Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode

Date: December 10, 2008

Season:

Episode: 490

Production code: 4159

Next Episode

IntroEdit

Chinese Take Out "The Chinese reveal a new weapon! What could be more dangerous than their fire drills!?" Amnesty National "And, President Bush is handing out pardons! Unless, you're on death row, in Gitmo or a Democrat!" International Man of Misery "Then, my guest is Richard Haass of the Council on Foreign Relations! I assume that means how Nicholas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni do it!" Remember the old adage: starve a cold, feed a fever, behead a zombie! This is The Colbert Report! ~ Stephen Colbert December 10, 2008 The Colbert Report

Contents 1 Production Info 2 Intro 3 The Axis of Birthdays and Arrests 4 THREAT DOWN! 5 SEGMENT3 6 Interview 7 Epilogue 8 Gallery 9 Motherload Videos 10 External Tubes 11 Reviews and Comments

The Axis of Birthdays and ArrestsEdit

• the big news fairy tale arrest of Rod Blagojevich
  • prepared for media attacks by wearing a helmet

• allegedly trying to sell Obama's vacant Senate seat
  • selling point: has new Obama smell

• only FOX and Stephen are talking about it

• Sean Hannity found lots of photos of them together
  • Stephen found photos of his own
    • at a ballgame
    • Obama oiling Blagojevich with suntan lotion
    • no evidence of tit for tat
• today (December 10) is Blago's birthday

• last year's b-day wish
  • get away with your crimes

• Ted Stevens lost

• Hallmark birthday/federal indictment cards
  • hey you're not over the hill; you're in federal custody

THREAT DOWN!Edit

• president of foreign relations will be on later to scare everyone, in the meantime ...

• Threat Down

#5 China (no gong from Jimmy)

• a man kissed his girlfriend so powerful it ruptured her eardrum

• the next day he didn't call or he did, and she didn't hear

#4 Asteroids

• $100 million shield should be built

• UN will try to negotiate, finally buckling by giving it a seat on the Security Council

#3 Time

• a leap second will be added to 2008

• 2008 sucks, why would we want it to be any longer?

• a threat to Stephen's schedule

• with his Plan a Second calendar, no room for self-reflection and doubt

• 1999 free time, he almost swallowed his tongue

#2 Pole Dancing Robots

• putting themselves through medschool to become an MRI machine

• corrupting home appliances

#1 Happiness

• British medical journal shows happiness is contagious

• plague of positivity threat to our way of life and The Report

• what would the show look like if Stephen were happy all the time?

• Stephen would wear pastels and have a segment called "The Joy Down"

• featuring bears as number 5!

• Stephen looks terrible in pink; he's a winter

SEGMENT3Edit

• this is the season of forgiveness
  • mall security should remember when he leaves with a Nintendo Wii down his pants

• Commanders in Chief give pardons
  • constitutional cootie shot

• Clinton used it improperly
  • Obama's AG designee pardoned Marc Rich

• Bush pardoned the pretzel
  • Segway is still languishing in Gitmo

• Michael Milkin and Marion Jones knocked over a liquor store

• Stephen wants one
  • post date it for next week
    • to cover in Reno with Sweetness

• They will go to all-you-can-eat buffets
  • and get banana pudding

• spirit of forgiveness
  • Stephen will show his mercy as well

• New year, new administration
  • Stephen has a raging pardon

• The British Empire
  • all atrocities even Cold Play

• Weather Channel
• Israeli Newspapers
• Todd Rundgren
• Black Hole at the Center of the Universe

• not forgiving flavor crystals
  • pepper banana (?)

• forgiveness is now On Notice!
  • right under Grizzly Bears

• Stephen doesn't accept Forgiveness' apology

InterviewEdit

• Richard Haass
• book: "The Opportunity : America's Moment to Alter History's Course"
• president of Council of Foreign Relations
• he says the next administration faces great challenges abroad, but nothing compared to what he'll face from Stephen

• toy with countries of the world
  • like toys

• like Illuminati
• and masons

• non-country entities
  • banks
  • universities
  • CNN
  • foundations
  • terrorist groups

• US doesn't have foreign relations anymore
  • Bush cut them loose

• the world is not as fun as Vegas

• where did the world get wrong
  • America is right

• he is a blame America Firster

• biggest threat to ourselves is ourselves

• we should be isolated and medicated
  • a threat to ourselves

• We are a force of good

• China is a threat to us

• when we give China $5 and they give us plastic, it's called trade

• give one another a stake for getting along

EpilogueEdit

• Dr. Colbert closes with a quick, yet sincere "good night!"

GalleryEdit

Motherload VideosEdit

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External TubesEdit

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Reviews and CommentsEdit