Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode Date: April 15, 2009 Season: Episode: 541 Production code: 5050 Next Episode

IntroEdit

Tax Atax "It's tax day! Or, as many Americans call it, 'OH MY GOD IT'S 11:30!'" Bring In Da 'Nois "Plus, I profile the Illinois district that contains Peoria! Hmm, I wonder if it will play there!?" Tinker, Tailor, Lehrer, Spy "And my guest PBS' Jim Lehrer has written a spy novel! It's great, except for the middle chapter where it asks you for a contribution!" Do not adjust your set, unless you want to make my face even redder! This is The Colbert Report! ~ Stephen Colbert April 15, 2009 The Colbert Report

Contents 1 Production Info 2 Intro 3 What Habeas Corpus 4 Tax Day 5 Better Know A District 6 Interview 7 Epilogue 8 Gallery 9 Official Truthy Videos 10 External Tubes 11 Reviews and Comments

What Habeas CorpusEdit

• Dr. Colbert was on The C-Desk waiting for his eagle to land

• Obama displayed some real Presidential sack
  • hail to the beef

• Bill of Rights lovers
  • like pirates, but Navy SEALs cannot shoot them in the head

• Bargram detainees have a right to habeas corpus
  • guilty until forgotten about

• Obama is denying them H.C.
  • they embarrass him by reminding him he was a Constitutional Scholar

Tax DayEdit

• 25 minutes to declare yourself a soverign indian tribe
  • last of the Mohe-Colberts

• he is enraged
  • how can the IRS take our tax money and give it to dictator Obama

• it's Taxation Without Representation
  • but not by the guy he voted for

• World War 0 showed us the right way to fight this

• Newt Gingrich
  • spontaneously sprung up without promotion from the media

• Michael Steele urged republicans to send virtual teabag to Democrats
  • Steele is not welcomed

• America's Lifepartner, Glenn Beck
  • live from the Alamo

• Washington holed up in the Alamo fighting Nazi
  • Napoleon
• Remember the Ewoks!

• Stephen hopes Beck's occupation of the Alamo works out as well as the last one

Better Know A DistrictEdit

• 200th birthday
  • paying staff in pennies
  • slowly driving wife insane

• Illinois 18th
  • state capitol, Springfield
    • 4-year term, 20 year sentence

• only home Lincoln ever owned

• Peoria
  • mass production
  • residents are children of syphillitic booze-hound

• home of Caterpillar

• has lincoln logs big enough
  • Aaron Schock, republican

• sat down with him before his mother called him in to dinner
• doesn't know what the Fightin' 18th is
  • 20 districts

• youngest member of congress
  • no hazing process
  • no spanking machine
  • no nicknames

• TMZ says he has six-pack abs

• believes Stephen is obsessed with his abs
  • there is chemistry, but they vow to be professional

• has no reason to believe Obama wasn't a citizen

• Dr. Colbert doesn't want to bring it up
  • he denies it

• he's the new face of the republican party
  • what he's doing to make sure Obama fails
    • if Obama succeeds, proves socialism works

• did not vote for stim bill
  • won't take dirty money

• pro-Stimulus for Illinois

• pro-Life
• pro-gun

• he is courage to swim against the tide
  • protects the unborn

• fetuses with guns

• by definition fetuses are alive
  • and can bear arms

• took the time to schock and awe

InterviewEdit

• Jim Lehrer
  • book: "Oh, Johnny" (Signed Edition)
• did not write a spy novel, whoever gave you that information must be a spy

• Dr. Colbert is impressed
  • his 19th novel

• does News Hour 5 nights a week for 35 years
• he types as he reports the news

• easier to make up novels, or make up news

• he says it's easier to report the news
  • Dr. C

• Lehrer has never tried to make up the news
  • Sweden invaded England
  • the tea parties are from the grassroots up

• PBS is not covering the tea parties

• spontaneously frogs appear on lily pads

• why is he drawn to fiction
  • O Henry said, "I wanted to go to where he could tell the truth."
    • this blew Stephen's mind

• his first sex scene
  • why wait so long, when people think Jim Lehrer, they think sex
    • big believer in research

• Johnny had several wet dreams
  • Johnny feel wonderously spectacular

• why does he need an hour to cover the news
  • Dr. Colbert can do it in a half hour
    • Stephen talks faster than he does; Lehrer talks slowly, unemotional and proudly boring

• takes real courage to be boring 5 nights a week on television

• he's so boring he couldn't remember if he interviewed Lehrer or two buttons glued to a piece of balsa wood
  • he was enraged

EpilogueEdit

• Dr. Colbert expects a summary with special emphasis on the literary devices used on his desk by tomorrow morning @ 9 am
  • will accept the excuse the excuse, "I'm lazy."

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

• Colbert Nation Home Tube
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External TubesEdit

• [URL Link Title]
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Reviews and CommentsEdit