The Colbert Report/Episode/537

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[edit] Production Info

Previous Episode
Date:
April 7, 2009 		Season:
Episode:
537 		Production code:
5046
Next Episode


[edit] Intro

  • Most Flee T.V.
"Are TV networks desperate for revenue!? Find out more on an all-new episode of "How I Met Your Pepsi"!"
  • New York State of Mine
"And, I explore New York's 25th district! It may be 25th in number, but in my heart!? It's twelfth!"
  • On Her Majesty's Stephen Service
"Then, my guest Queen Noor wants to rid the world of nuculer weapons! Sounds like somebody doesn't have nuculer weapons!"


Image:Flag_quote_open_clear2.gif
Vermont just legalized gay marriage! Ben, you can finally propose to Jerry!
This is The Colbert Report!
Image:Flag_quote_close_clear2.gif
~ Stephen Colbert
April 7, 2009 The Colbert Report


Contents


[edit] SEGMENT1

  • Dr. Colbert is a little nervous, Queen Noor is on the show, but she's not his first royal
    • John King
    • Larry King
    • Fresh Prince of Bel Air
  • Michele Obama gave the Queen a reach around
  • Dr. Colbert will wear surgical gloves
    • and shaking hands with a reacher-grabber
      • the proper way to touch royalty
  • TV is on life support
    • that gasp your hearing is not just from 60 Minutes
  • Advertising Age
    • revenue drop
  • PBS
    • CSI:Library
  • Morally Bankrupt
    • from Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation
      • Promotes socially conscious programs all around the world
  • reached out to TV producers
    • message placement in shows
    • pro-social messages
  • husbands fat and dumb
  • wives don't want us to have any fun
  • black women are sassy and wise
  • higher cause
    • made deal all Viacom networks
  • Dr. Colbert is about to grow a conscience, but only after the check clears
  • bold, new business model
  • pay for cursory positive messages
  • put wholesome into reruns
  • Dr. Colbert awaits the Gate's cash flow
    • make TV a source for good, without removing any of the good stuff


[edit] Better Know A District

  • NY Dept of Health says not to eat
    • PBCs (put carp in belly)
  • carp caught in NY 25th
  • Palmyra
    • The Golden Plates
      • Won free tour of Jesus' chocolate factory
    • oldest miniature golf course
  • Erie Canal
    • opened 1825
    • Andrew Edward
      • Killed one of Stephen's ancestors
  • great place to grow up
    • working class families
  • home to Syracuse University
  • voted against his party 8/10 of 1%
  • he voted on the bill without reading it
  • Nancy Pelosi would eat his heart in front of the other people if he voted against
  • against NAFTA
    • safe
    • NAFTA may not be the same as NAMBLA
  • he needs to research NAMBL before voting against it
  • Star Trek fan
    • Spock in Mirror Mirror
  • wondered what it would be like if he had an evil twin, who could do what he wouldn't do, or say
  • "I enjoy cocaine because ..."
    • it gives him joy."
  • I enjoy the company of prostitutes, for the following reasons
    • it gives him joy
  • self-proclaimed nerd
  • always wished he was cool
    • drank a beer with Stephen
      • making them both cool
  • live long and prosper
    •  ?
  • making Dr. Colbert awful close to better knowing Canada

[edit] Interview

  • wants to rid the world of nuculer weapons, switching to space-based death rays
  • he is allowed to shake her hands
  • written 2 books
  • chair of King Hussein
  • trying to make Queen Elizabeth look lazy
  • she is like Stephen in that she
  • may get a cable show
  • Global Zero is not a diet soft drink
    • initiative to rid the world of nuculer weapons
  • nuculer weapons keep up safe
  • cold-war mind-set
  • US can't return ours first
    • we can be trusted we know how bad it is
  • Russia and US have the most nuculer weapons
  • 40 countries has enough to make 100,000 more nuculer weapons
  • she is calling for Israel to bomb Iran
  • she said the Colbert Nation gets it
  • has proven he is a leader
  • mobilized over 230,000 votes
  • asked Dr. Colbert to sign on to the Global Zero initiative
    • she has to knight him first
  • Stephen provided the sword
    • now that she has the sword, he has to sign first
      • proof that she has negotiated before
  • beknighted him, Sir Stephen leader of the Colbert Nation

[edit] Epilogue

  • Dr. Colbert hiccup-free since two-thousand and ...
    • Jimmy will have to reset the clock

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[edit] Reviews and Comments

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