The Colbert Report/Episode/535

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

[edit] Production Info

Previous Episode
Date:
April 2, 2009 		Season:
Episode:
535 		Production code:
5044
Next Episode

[edit] The Check-In

  • Dr. Colbert is not doing so well today after running over a homeless man on his way into work
    • his life is over
  • APRIL FOOLS!
  • His Jewish Friend thought it was a terrible joke
    • and that April Fools was yesterday
  • Dr. Colbert excused himself to look after something in the parking lot

[edit] Intro

  • Commie Dearest
"President Obama meets with the President of Russia! The big question was: what was Michelle wearing!?"
  • Word's Worth
"And Merriam-Webster updates their dictionary! I believe they retired the word affluent!"
  • Twit Happens
"Then I sit down with Biz Stone, the co-founder of Twitter! I will nail him in 140 characters or less!"


Image:Flag_quote_open_clear2.gif
ER is off the air after 15 seasons! That's what you get with Obama's socialized medicine!
This is The Colbert Report!
Image:Flag_quote_close_clear2.gif
~ Stephen Colbert
April 2, 2009 The Colbert Report


Contents


[edit] SEGMENT1

  • Dr. Colbert sometimes he likes to do the smaller stories that falls through the cracks
    • honey is the only food that doesn't spoil
    • Dick Cheney ran a secret death squad
    • how did he find the time with all his secret torture
  • so, Cheney had a roving band of executioners
    • like finding out Liberace was gay (you had a hint people)
  • Cheney was performing the duties of the Vice president as outlined by Founding
    • mercury cures syphilis
  • Now being controlled by Joe Biden
    • only previous trying to kill Obama's chances of getting elected
  • the only thing he can plug is his hair
  • gather everyone he wants to assassinate, move to a city reachable by Amtrak


[edit] SEGMENT2

  • Obama headed to Strasbourg
  • Stephen supports NATO ...
  • Stephen has a watch that is also a gun
    • a twista-flex
  • Cold War Update!

In London, met with Dmitry Medvedev

  • not new progress, old progress
    • they go bankrupt, we watch new episodes of Cheers
      • Diane may kiss Sam this year
  • Medvedev's finger is on the button to call Putin to tell him what to do
  • Supra-National Currency
    • makes Stephen angra
  • Russia and China
    • US will punish them the way they punish everyone who ruins the economy: bailout
  • embargo against Cuba
    • run over America in a 55 Nash Rambler
  • Obama may lift ban on Cuba
    • Richard Lugar
  • effective in bringing Cuban people to democracy
  • failed for 50 years, because it's a 78 year plan
    • the tree will be tall enough to climb up
      • eventually it will work unless they have plumbers
  • North Korea, insane leader, Rachel Maddow's grandmother
  • launch "communications satellite"
  • we're not even planning on stopping this launch
  • rest easy Hawaii, list of place Washington might consider saving
    • not sure how it works, ask New Orleans
  • cold war is strong in space
    • fee dispute, Russians cannot use American toilet on ISS
  • Space Reagan
    • force the Russians to pay that fee
    • challenge to flush down this log!

[edit] SEGMENT3

  • Dr. Colbert turns out his old nemesis is back
    • the dictionary
  • by far the worst book he's ever read
    • as if he didn't see that back on M
  • changed the definition of "marriage"
    • to include gay marriage
  • suspect Miriam and Webster were conjugating more than irregular verbs
  • throws everything into question
    • will change the definition of the word outrage
      • brawny towel man
  • most sinister part
    • made this change back in 2003, until a conservative
  • Dr. Colbert could have been gay married and not know it
    • their first song was YMCA
  • same-sexicographers
    • Gay
    • Bear
    • manwich, not well-known outside the clubs where Stephen does his research
  • they may engayify Truthiness
  • new definition:
    • truth that comes from the gut
      • also: a word so straight it drives men wild

[edit] Interview

  • Biz Stone
    • co-founder of The Twitter
    • Dr. Colbert will ask him every mundane detail of every moment of his life
  • he is impressed with the way Dr. Colbert
  • pre-eminent twit in the United States
    • feels powerful
  • side project
    • podcasting company
  • why 140 characters, including spaces
  • Dr. Colbert began texting during the interview
    • which is not rude' it's the future
  • first tweet
    • What hath God twat!?
  • inviting his co-workers to try it
  • why not just talk?
    • tweet-ups
  • new way of messaging
  • magic happens
  • messaging system we didn't have until
  • what's good enough for hamarabi
  • Nothing is so easy
  • creativity is inspired
  • including spaces rips people off
  • totally free
    • Biz in Biz Stone is not short for business
      • sounds like a character on the Flintstones
  • based in San Francisco, like Pets.com
  • different between profit and value
  • will begin experimenting a revenue model this year
  • why do many congressmen and celebrities twitter?
    • celebrities find deeper connections with fans
      • others like Demi Moore and Ashton Kusher (control message)
  • Twittering caused the plane crash in the Hudson

[edit] Epilogue

  • Dr. Colbert came back from the break finishing a tweet
  • Remember, always let your conscience be your guide, until you can afford a GPS, they're far more reliable

[edit] Gallery

[edit] Official Truthy Videos

[edit] External Tubes

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

[edit] Reviews and Comments

Retrieved from "http://wikiality.wikia.com/The_Colbert_Report/Episode/535"
Personal tools