Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode Date: March 17, 2009 Season: Episode: 529 Production code: 5038 Next Episode

IntroEdit

Opu-Less "How will the wealthy weather the economic crisis!? Easy, we have weather control machines!" Sounds Of Science "And scientists make a revolutionary new discovery! (crosses fingers) Come on roller-skating microwave!" Grann Finale "And my guest David Grann has written a book about the secrets of the Amazon rainforest! (strokes chin) Hmm, I wonder how many trees it took to print that!?" It's St. Patrick's Day! So, you can kiss my Blarney Stones! This is The Colbert Report! ~ Stephen Colbert March 17, 2009 The Colbert Report

Contents 1 Production Info 2 Intro 3 Shout Out 4 Colbert Aluminum 5 SEGMENT3 6 Interview 7 Epilogue 8 Gallery 9 Official Truthy Videos 10 External Tubes 11 Reviews and Comments

Shout OutEdit

• Happy St. Patrick's Day

• Green washes Dr. Colbert out

• known for wearing a little green
  • reminds Stephen of the armed forces

• Marines may be
  • Stephen is fewer and a complete narcissist

• Colbert Report Shout Out
  • 153rd Infantry Regiment, Charlie Company
    • They invite Dr. Colbert to "come on over!"

• he would do whatever he is told by anyone with an automatic weapon

• taking the Colbert Report overseas!
  • to the Persian Gulf!
• cannot tell all the details
  • do no reference the name of the country

• there will be sand and people wish he would leave
  • could be the Bahamas

• do not reference tour dates

• To Recap
  • Colbert Report will visit troops in near or distant future (or past)

• best news: Tickets are still available
  • go to goarmy.com, sign up,

Colbert AluminumEdit

• it will be a relief
  • country has screwed the pooch

• the recession is making us aim the death ray

• humble opulence
• Colbert Aluminum

• • for aluminum members only
• if the amount that you've lost doesn't end in "illionaire"
  • tell the greyhounds bus driver to change the channel

• New cigars:
  • Nubs, shorter versions of luxury cigars

• latest fashion of the wel-to-do
  • New Faux Poor
    • canceling parties, firing the staff

• show solidarity with the commoners: adopt a fake Cockney accent

• some rich are not faking their losses
  • man is selling island

• real estate tips
  • word real estate listing
    • tropical instead of malaria
  • gear to natural market
    • advance degree negative surname

• wait a few years before starting a new Ponzi Scheme

SEGMENT3Edit

• those of us who don't understand science are under attack
  • why is gravity trying to keep Stephen down?

• Obama reversed Bush's Stem Cell policies
  • desperate attempt to grow himself a Commerce Secretary

• astrology
  • helps make staffing decisions

• florescent cats
  • can live his dream of reading by cat light

• Stephen Colbert's World Of Nahlej
  • Americans love putting our mind-mouths to meat

• our meat supply is under attack
  • from PETA

• visionary scientist working to save the
• Dr. Vladimir Maronov(sp)
  • he's a commie
  • Science of meat
  • new way to grow meat
    • grow meat in a petri dish, which may be a cat or meat

• when is not the right question
  • when if you have all necessary money

• PETA supports tissue culture meat
  • offered $1-million behind it

• Shmeat
  • combination of shit and meat
  • inescapable future of humanity
  • tastes like Shmicken

InterviewEdit

• David Grann
• book: "The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon"
• is looking for the Lost City of Z
  • Stephen will ask him the lost reason of Y

• fascinating story
• he went to the amazon
  • followed the adventures of Percy Fawcett, a great Victorian explorer, Amazon 1906 (before Hollywood)
    • size of the United States

• Stephen has no idea what's in Ohio

• took 20 men with him half his party would die
  • did this for 20 years

• when he began he was only mapping the area
  • didn't know Peru, Brazil or

• his oldest son and his son's best friend
  • sent out dispatches via Indian runners (Early 20th Century twittering)

• he didn't find it

• after 5 months, he vanished

• next 80 years people would search for him
  • they also died, malaria starvation, also got lost

• has eye problems, fear of snakes
  • could have found it but didn't see it

• Brad Pitt will star in it
  • will not play Grann, but Fawcett

• to give Colbert a monkey necklace/crown
  • from the Kalapalos Indians

EpilogueEdit

• nearly midnight, time to update the Persian Gulf Clock
  • we are either one day closer--or further--there's no way to know

• then Dr. Colbert wished The Heroes goodnight

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

• Colbert Nation Home Tube
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External TubesEdit

• [URL Link Title]
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Reviews and CommentsEdit