Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode Date: February 5, 2009 Season: Episode: 511 Production code: 5020 Next Episode

IntroEdit

Tangle And Cash "What's in the stimulus package!? I'm guessing High Fructose Corn Syrup, because that stuff is in everything!" Beyond a Reasonable Scout "Then, I salute the Boy Scouts of America! In your face Boy Scouts of Elsewhere!" Lehrer & Unbalanced "And Jonah Lehrer is here to talk about the neuroscience of decision-making! I'll use my medulla oblongutta!" Don't put off for tomorrow what your team of personal assistants can do today! This is The Colbert Report! ~ Stephen Colbert February 5, 2009 The Colbert Report

Contents 1 Production Info 2 Intro 3 Another Member Of The Family 4 SEGMENT2 5 Alpha Dog 6 Interview 7 Epilogue 8 Gallery 9 Official Truthy Videos 10 External Tubes 11 Reviews and Comments

Another Member Of The FamilyEdit

• Good to have Stephen with us

• Took down the big-wigs
  • he was robbed of "Best Grandma" prize
    • Grandma Rosenstein won instead

• UC Santa Cruz nerds named an elephant seal after him!
  • Stelephant Colbert
• a hideous monster ate Dr. Colbert's seal!
  • worse than having the elephant man named after you
  • certain to have a great personality

• Graduate students watch him mate

• Stephen Col-George Clooney, the George Clooney
  • Stephen would watch that mate

• put him on a treadmill
• lift weights
• nose job

• Mark Wahlberg started out as a Narwhal
  • his real name was Mark Narwhalberg

SEGMENT2Edit

• Stimulus bill is larded up with more pork than Stephen's elephant seal

• Susan Collins of Maine nailed what it really is
  • like a Christmas tree
  • more like a Gay Pride Ficus

• Missouri Claire McCaskill
  • funded by Mixed Metaphor Funding Act

• Specifics
  • being sold by Democrats

• it's Fire Safety Week!
  • see you in the stairwell--wear something lose; that's fire code

• Dems taking page from the GOP handbook
  • found under a loose floorboard next to a beating human heart

• Dems scared Dr. Colbert
  • Stephen will meet Jesus at the Arby's
    • where they'll both be working

• sex-ed for house cats
• Cabinet level Secretary
• fund National Endowment for the Arts
  • best argument from The West Wing

• federal money they could have
  • 3-D glasses you could almost touch the sanctimony

• James Surowiecki
• New Yorker columnist

• why are libs larding up the bill
• spend the money now

• many programs in there that are not stimulus

• never let a good crisis go to waste
  • Rahm Emanuel, November 2008

• his book: "The Wisdom of Crowds: Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few and How Collective Wisdom Shapes Business, Economies, Societies and Nations"
  • hand the stimulus to an angry mob of unemployed

• some changes between Senate and House bill
  • raise the debt by $1 trillion

• sell Yellowstone to the Canadians

Alpha DogEdit

• any old dog can fetch a bone, only one can tear out your femur: Alpha Dog of the Week
• Boy Scouts of America

• lessons tie knots
• Three leaves and shiny, keep away from the hiney

• will learn about the good conservation of soil waters, etc.

• for past 20 years Scouting Council has made money off destroying wilderness areas

• hugging trees so tight they

• hypocrisy badge
• apocalypse badge

• make fires without sticks

• making the Scout sign and telling conservationists to read between the lines

InterviewEdit

• Jonah Lehrer
• book: "How We Decide"
• wrote a book ab out neuroscience of decision-making, which is just a fancy way of saying rock, paper scissors

• emotional brain: generates gut (truth)
• rational brain: pre-frontal (fact)

• the emotional side doesn't have to listen to you
• humans love being certain
  • filter the world to confirm
  • not being certain is not comforting

• preconceived notions

• conservatives watch FOX
• liberals watch MSNBC
• shut-ins watch CNN

• gut takes in more than we are aware of

• gut is prescient

• can we tailor our thoughts or can our thoughts tailor us

• for Plato, he said: rational charioteers
  • today we say "elephants"

• elephants can be hooked up to chariots

• every time Dr. Colbert makes a rational decision he gets angry with himself

• grocery shopping can be confusing

• pure rationality is a disease

• Meta Cognition
  • thinking about thinking

• emotional brain has questions too
  • how dare you?
  • where do get off?
  • who are you looking at?

EpilogueEdit

• Dr. Colbert remember folks keep your friends close, and your enemies closer: start by hating yourself!
• Have a great week end!

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

• Colbert Nation Home Tube
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External TubesEdit

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Reviews and CommentsEdit