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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode

Date:
February 4, 2009

Season:

Episode:
510

Production code:
5019

Next Episode

IntroEdit

Bishop Tut-Tut

"Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop! frankly, I'm skeptical of the evidence that he reinstated him!"

Award-Whiner

"Then, I award myself an award for not winning awards! The coveted Losey!"

Steve, adored

"And, Steve Martin is here! So what if he's hosted SNL fifteen times! I've hosted my show five-hundred and nine times!"

Here's a brain teaser for ya: your brain is ugly!
This is The Colbert Report!

~ Stephen Colbert

February 4, 2009 The Colbert Report

SEGMENT1Edit

Last night Obama called his Daschle nom a "mistake"
- Obama Administration is over

Some punk walked in Dr. Colbert's eye-line
- and he wants whoever it is gone
- it was some guy named Steve (which is a stupid name)
  - he claims to have been on a fucking set (he names some minor works)

Dr. Colbert reminds him that walking in front of his camera while he was talking was fucking unprofessional

About The Super Bowl

During the Super Bowl The Boss rammed his "mini boss" into the camera
- That Steve guy walks in front of the camera again
  - Dr. Colbert was forced to yell at him and demand that he leave
personally Dr. Colbert is a fan

Back To The Super Bowl

7-layer dip going in
- at least 9 going out

Dr. Colbert had a lot of money

Gatorade dump is a baptism with electrolytes

Yahweh Or No WayEdit

who was God rooting for in the Super Bowl?
- Warner is a devout Christian
  - when he's in the pocket, there is a second set of footprints

God did not decide the Super Bowl (he was for the Orioles, just like Stephen)
Who made the Steelers win?
- not saying Obama is more powerful than God

Fred M (?)
- built replica of White House
- Jesus' plan
Did Jesus build it?
- No Way

The house has not sold $9.8 million

Pope Benedict lifted ex-com Bishop Williamson (Holocaust denier)
- Pope disagrees with the Bishop

Did God tell the Pope to reinstate the Bishop?
- No Way
- ex-communication like marbles, no backsies
- the story makes Dr. Colbert nauseous, he might be barfing matzo balls

SEGMENT3Edit

that guy walks through The Eagle's Nest again

Dr. Colbert doesn't do the show for money or fame or for critics
- he does it for the little people

Who's Not Honoring Me Now?

Association of Library Services To Children
- Neil Gaiman's "Graveyard"
- Dr. Colbert's children's book was "Fuck it (...?)"

Boucse(sp) d'Or
- America's top finisher was 6th place
- 8-Meat chili (used to be 7-meat chili, but he got 2 of them to mate)
Norwegian
- step one: kill reindeer
- Step two: add snow
Sweden won second place

Dr. Colbert is nominated for Grammy
- Best Spoken

Other nominees:
- Sidney Poitier, won't have a poit to piss in
- David Sedaris
- Steve Martin, no-talent fraud?
- Al Gore, last nominee for Inconvenient Truth
  - If he wins he can appeal all the way to the Supreme Court
Dr. Colbert's pet political cause: END ATM SURCHARGES!

InterviewEdit

Steve Martin
comedian, actor, novelist, musician, magician, playwright, screenwriter, juggler
- best known for his appearances in Dr. Colbert's opening segment
- new movie: Pink Panther 2

plays a detective
- comedy

needs to change his Wikip*dia page

he's serious and intellectual

he feels like an intellectual when he's with Dr. Colbert

lots of low comedy

Martin is a competitor of Dr. Colbert's
- Dr. Colbert will send Kareem Abdul Jabbar
- Martin was going to send Dr. Colbert, Jabbar will go for both

Daniel Steele's A Perfect Stranger
- for a read-off

they didn't know what they were reading, but The Mob loved it

Dr. Colbert challenged him to dueling banjo-guitar
- Dr. Colbert will play his guitar and Steve Martin will play his banjo

they ran out of time

EpilogueEdit

Dr. Colbert if you like what you saw, tell your friends. If you didn't, tell your enemies!

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