Texas

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Texas
is a Recognized State of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.

See Also:


Texas
Capital: Crawford
State Flower: Freedom
Official Language: Texan-American
State Bird: Flagle
State Motto: How bout them Cowboys?
Nickname: Texas don't need no pretty names
Governor: Kinky Friedman
State Anthem: God Blessed Texas
Population: 22.8 million
Standard MPH: Trucks/SUVs: 80mph
Passenger Vehilces: 15mph
Principal imports: Mexicans and Erections
Principal exports: Football talent, steers, and queers.
Principal industries: Democracy, Grilling Beef, Munitions
Fun Fact # 1: Birthplace of George W. Bush, George H.W. Bush
Fun Fact # 2: Owns the record for most adult Mexicans in a Geo Metro at one time (29).*
  • This record is disputed by Arizona. The controversy is over what age should be considered adulthood for Mexicans; typical U.S. law standard (18) or the age at which most female Mexican get pregnant (12).
Fun Fact # 3: Allows extended naps to more inmates than any other state!


Taxes is a state in both the West and South regions of the United States of America. It is also considered part of the Southwest and the Great Plains. If you look at a map of America like it is a person's body, Texas is right down there in the ball sack. With an area of 268,581 square miles and has a population of 22.8 quadrillion, Texas is second to Alaska in area and second to California in population, but has more balls than both of them combined.

The state name derives from a word in the Caddoan language of the Hasinai: táysha, tecas, or tejas (the Spanish spelling); literally translated to mean "Mexico's America, but better."

Texas is commonly referred to as "The greatest place on earth." It is envied by everyone. Every state and every nation wishes it were Texas. Every person wishes to live in Texas and become Texan.

Texas is also the home and birthplace of George W. Bush, the founder of modern democracy. Other famous people from Texas include J.R. Ewing, Kurt Cobain, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Paris Hilton, Victor, Roxanne, Monisa, Stephanie, Kristian, Elias, Jaron, Tripp and Jesus Christ.

Texas should really be in Mexico, but it remains part of the U.S. just so the Union won't throw a bitch fit. As the great Sam Houston said, regarding Texas joining the union, "Texas could get along without the United States, but the United States cannot, except with great hazard, exist without Texas."

Contents

[edit] Discovery

Texas was never discovered. It was created by God on the 8th day (well known as "Cinco de Mayo").

[edit] History

It was originally part of Mexico but they let Americans come and settle. The settlers realized that Mexico was much worse than America so they rebelled. The Mexicans had to greatly outnumber the Texans at the Alamo in order for them to take it. This really pissed of the Texans and they defeated the Mexicans quickly led by a 50 foot tall statue of Sam Houston. After the war Texas decided that they should join America because that's what all the cool countries do. Texas then convinced America to invade Mexico which gave America its western states. Texas was apart of the Confederates but that was when the cows (an ally of the bears) outnumbered the Texans and voted to join the rebels. The Texans took revenge by building countless numbers of BBQ joints and steak houses. Some overly egocentric northeasterners mistakenly believe the Alamo was mainly about slavery. Wrong war, kiddos!

Texas is very proud of their colorful history and therefore spreads the knowledge of this amazing state in middle school classrooms everywhere, unlike those inferior puritanical states such as Massachusetts. We've got pride biotch (plus we don't have bears....BOO YA!).

[edit] Achieving Statehood

Texas did not achieve statehood, statehood achieved Texas. DAMN STRAIGHT!!!

[edit] Texas Today

Famous TV star is Hank Hill - where he works as a propane and propane accesory salesman

Famous native Texan Stephanie is known for her southern hospitality - one can be sure to feel right at home with some of this southern belle's delightful cookies, and if that doesn't do it for ya well be sure to ask for the drink of the day. Discover why we're all just so nice down here (cough we're all drunk cough).

If small towns and tall tales are more your thing be sure to stop by the fabled land of Pecos and give resident country crooner Kristian a ring.


The Department of Tourism has released this new video for Texas when it secedes becomes independent

[edit] The Republic of Texas

On August 29, 2009 Texas has declared secession Independence from the mooslim government.

[edit] Texas Education

Texas’ Patriotic Museum

[edit] Creationism in Class

[edit] Christian Education in the Classroom

[edit] Jesus' Math

5 + 2 = Any number you want

[edit] New History Book

Texas has approved their new history books, with none of that bias liberal facts!

[edit] Texas Landmarks

Cowboys Stadium (that billion dollar one)

[edit] Famous Texans

Possible Texan proclaiming the famous Texas online slogan

Being the most famous state in the union, Texas would then, of course, be the birth place of many famous persons. Probably the most famous among the Texans would be the Lord almighty himself. Yes, God is a proud Redneck and if you have any doubts what so ever of the validity of this statement, you need to ask yourself why you hate America so much. The B-list celebrities from Texas (B-list compared to God...duh!) includes everyone who you have ever seen on television with the exception of Micha Barton, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and the Koolaid Man. Those are Californian screwups. And as you know, Texans make no mistakes.

[edit] A Typical Day in Texas

wake up, wake the kids, send the kids to school, shoot a mexican, eat BBQ, shoot more mexicans, watch walker texas ranger, eat lunch, watch cowboys game, shoot mexicans, pick kids up from school, eat BBq for dinner, shoot a mexican, watch the colbert report, shoot mexican and go to bed.



now repeat.

[edit] Funny Texas Laws

  • If it's bigger, its better. (Passed by state legislature in 1950)
  • The number of country songs which mention Texas must outnumber the ones that don't or state taxes will double. (Passed in 1999)
  • Football is king. (1980)
  • Talking slower allows you to drive 5 miles above the speed limit. (1965)
  • Chuck Norris's hands and feet are allowed near the President only if they are clearing brush.

[edit] STATE EMERGENCY

Threat Level: RED

[edit] See Also

[edit] External Links

Everything is bigger in Texas, including the size of the picture of the Texas flag
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