Good ol' Sweaty Teddy, Classic Rocker, Lyrical Genius, ENEMY OF BEARS EVERYWHERE! Why anyone would ever dare to assault Ted Nugent is a question which will be answered, by Nugent himself, if anyone could ever be so stupid as to try to ask him. Uncle Teddy, who received said name in honor from The Greatest President's twin daughters, has been leading a secret rebellion against Bears since Jumpstreet. Sure, people know that Ted is the best guitarist alive or dead. Sure, we know that he has done more to curb the use of drugs, Satanic lyrics, and addictive sex practices to trillions of rabid and uncivalized music fans the world over than anyone, but did you know Ted owns a gun? He packs the heat because he knows that Bears are out to subvert our youth and murder our women
Yes he is a hunter, and there is nothing wrong with that. God bless Ted Nugent, who's only real personal drawback is that he is known to practice restraint in the face of all those Camera wielding wanna be Japanese tourist papparazzi poop-heeled Commies.
In 1983 Ted Nugent defeated karate star
Chuck Norris in a bare knuckle fight in Hong Kong.
If you come across uncle Ted, please convey to him the grateful thanks of a nation faced with Bear overpopulation.
There is only two kinds of good bears..dead bears, and his friend Fred Bear.
Reasons why you may not like "The Nuge"Edit
- You hate Ted because he's never spent a day in uniform or put his life on the line defending this country
- You hate America and refuse to stand against the rising tide of Bear uprisings.
- You do play the guitar like Bob Dylan or Kurt Cobain.
- You have a functional brain.
- You love Michael Moore .
- You are secretly Ted .
- You condone the use of diplomacy against Godless Killing Machines.
- You do not like tasty nougat candy bars, or our troops.
- He's a vain-glorious blowhard who believes his own press
- You like making baskets.
- You watched the View and were oddly aroused by Rosie O'Donnell
- You steal Picanic baskets because you are Yogi Bear and are afraid of death at the hands of the Nuge, Colbert's right hand.
- You love sweet tea and your stuffed teddy, but never mix the two because you can't handle the SWEATY TEDDY.
- Because you are afraid that the meaning of life is written on Ted's clinched fist and he just may slap the stupid out of your head.
- You really believe Rob Reiner is a meathead.
- You forgot to change your diaper after your last hit song in the 1960's.
Contributions to American CultureEdit
- Wango Tango, a song which subliminally put a start to the Great Southern Bearkill aka Bearocaust.
- Sweat! Where would we be without Ted's bodily excretions?
- Wholesome values. Ted believes as we all do in no sex before marriage.
- Rock and Roll. Little Richard claims to have started this movement, but everyone knows that it was nothing before Ted. Little Richard is stupid.
- Removing countless Bears
- Being part of the Bear Hunters of America
- Founded the NRA with Jesus, Captian America and That Guy from Ben-Hur
- wanted to share his 2nd commandment rights with certain other Americans