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Stephen Colbert Controversies

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Stephen Colbert Controversies
is just one of the many gifts the Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has bestowed upon all of humankind. Thank you Dr. Colbert, thank you.


Stephen Colbert has been involved in numerous controversies. Details for some of these follow, but even Wikiality.com, exhaustive documenters of truthiness that we are, cannot possibly hope to keep up with all of Our Glorious Stephen's great works.

Colbert Slurs Hungaria (Again)Edit

During the April 5, 2007 broadcast of his highly successful late-night/early morning radio talk-show Colbert on the ERT, Stephen made reference to the well-known fact that the "paprika-snorting goulies" (aka "Hungarians") suffer from poor guitarsmanship. Apparently, the "Budapests" are sensitive about their mitten-handed Magyar guitar playing. Stephen later explained that he had nothing against the Hungarians personally, but refused to apologize for the fact that they just can't shred.

Follow-up Note: Our Glorious Stephen apologized to the Hungarian people of Hungary for having been mistaken about their inability to play the guitar when Hungarian Ambassador András Simonyi appeared on the Report to shred - and to present Stephen with an eagle headed guitar.

RaceEdit

Some people say that race is a problem in America, and they have decided that if someone can't see things their way, then the problem only persists. Stephen Colbert has been blessed with the ability to not see race, and because of this innate skill those race-obsessed people claim that Stephen is somehow making a bad problem worse. There is only really one thing to say to "those people": why do you hate our troops?

Follow-up Note: Dr. Colbert successfully ended racism on February 1, 2007 by personally apologizing for slavery. So now we call all move on.

Wikipedia and "Wikiality"Edit

On The Colbert Report on July 31, 2006, Colbert mentioned the truthiness of wikipedia and encouraged his loyal fans to bring in more truthiness because if enough people believe something to be true, it will become so. Angry, insecure, "rogue" administrators, who wanted to quell the truthiness, reacted to this onslaught of new wikip*dia editors (hereby known as "heroes") by locking all of the pages mentioned by Colbert on the Report. When heroes tried to start new pages, these rogues would immediately redirect them to locked articles, because they're commie bastards.

Follow-up Note: The work of The Honorable Professor Doctor Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. in protecting truthiness, wikiality, and the American Way has been placed in the hands of a new generation of heroes: namely, the surge of Real Americans who contribute to the internets tubes of the Wikiality.com.

The Ching Chong Ding Dong IncidentEdit

In November of 2006, Chinese-Americans were up in their silk-pajamaed arms over Stephen's Chinese character Ching Chong Ding Dong. A piece of not-for-air footage of Stephen asking his intern Laurie for some tea while playing that character was intercepted from The Report's satellite feed by the Changstapo, who left no lucky happy double star stone unturned in their attempts to bind Stephen's feet as some kind of anti-Asian racist.

Follow-up Note: The Changstapo quickly realized that the real enemy was Rosie O'Donnell, and that Stephen was, and will always be, a role model for heroes of all races.

Russ LieberEdit

Colbert's arch-enemy and number one enemy of truthiness. Colbert has to frequently cut off his mike when he comes in to debate. Colbert even has to cut off his own mike at times since Lieber can still be heard through it.

PoliticsEdit

Rahm EmanuelEdit

Representative Emanuel struck up a Colbert controversy by encouraging freshmen Representatives to pussy out of their chance to be "Better Known" on The Colbert Report. Way to show some balls there, Rahm.

Rep. Robert WexlerEdit

During an interview with Rep. Robert Wexler, Wexler told Colbert about how he thinks cocaine and prostitutes are "fun things to do." Fortunately the Representative had enough to condemn him in the court of public opinion. Some people, however, seemed to hold Wexler's admission against Colbert - as though he had coerced the Congressman into saying these things, in some sort of joking way.

Connecticut Senate election, 2006Edit

After appearing on The Colbert Report the Democrat challenger for the Connecticut Senate seat, Ned Lamont, found himself ahead in the polls against Senator Joe Lieberman. Mr. Colbert then invited Senator Lieberman on his show to keep things fair, but his repeated advances failed. Lieberman lost his joementum and, in turn, the democratic nomination.


BearsEdit

Liberals and their ilk say that bears are Mother Nature's furry companion and that they are harmless. Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. has been on a never-ending quest to change America's heart regarding these soulless, godless killing machines.

But the liberal elite will not be deterred. They have stopped at nothing to defeat Stephen and the America First, Bears Last Coalition. They have deployed the liberal media, scientists, environmentalists, along with every variety of Hate America Firsters and the entire Blame America First Crowd to slow Stephen down. Thanks to the heroes the bears are not tripling in population like elephants.

Hungarian BridgeEdit

This was supposed to be called the Stephen Colbert Bridge since Colbert won the popular vote. It was later discovered, however, that the bridge will only be named after someone who is dead (and in case you were wondering, Stephen Colbert is not dead). It might be better to try to vote in Keith Richards next time.

Minor Colbert ControversiesEdit

  • The Sexual H
  • The Defective Stephen Colbert Knife Sharpener Thing
  • The Knife Sharpener Sexual Harassment Thing
  • That Thing with the Kid[1]
  • The Thing About You-Know-Who's You-Know-What

NotesEdit

  1. Many thanks to Papa Bear O'Reilly for not bringing this up during the Pundit Exchange Program. That was a classy move, sir.



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