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< Stephen Colbert

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Dead bear
Stephen Colbert
is a member of the Bear Hunters of America.
Be Scared, Bears.
  • For Information on the character Stephen Colbert plays in interviews, please click here.
  • For Information on Stephen's Career as a Newscaster, please click here.
  • For Information on Stephen's Political Ambitions, please click here.

Gifts Stephen Has Given to America and America's Planet

Truthiness Factoids

Personal

  • Stephen's hip-hop street name is "Steve" (Slang for Stephen)
  • Stephen is one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive for 2007 (see page 133.) Whither Jon Stewart?
  • Stephen's favorite hockey team is the Saginaw Spirit. This may or may not have something to do with a mascot being named for him, although he in no way endorses this french-canadian filled blood "sport" invented by Canadia.
  • Stephen Colbert has an unnatural attraction to pizza delivery boys.
  • Stephen has a 5th degree black belt in Judo and Kung-Fu.
  • Stephen craps Golden Eggs.
  • The One True God outsourced the creation of Stephen's right ear to a lesser, America-hating Hindu god.
  • His name is an acronym for: Saving Territory, Establishing Pachyderm Habitats and Elephant Natural Conservation Opportunites, Labeling Boundaries, Ensuring Rapid Transit
  • Colbert means "Bear Destroyer" in French.
  • Colbert says he never wears the same tie twice. He appears to have lied on August 15th and 16th, when he had the same gold and black dotted tie. However, sources say that it was a new tie of the same pattern.
  • On that same program he also mentioned attending GenCon and spending time with Gary Gygax.
  • It has been proven that if you dislike Stephen Colbert you are a freedom-hating terroist lover.
  • Colbert is deaf in his right ear, as he has no ear drum in it. "I always wanted to be a marine biologist...but then I had this ear problem. I have no ear drum. (Flicks his ear.) So I had this operation at the Medical University when I was a kid. Now I can't get my head wet. I mean, I can, but I can't really scuba dive or anything like that. So that killed my marine biology hopes. He once joked to The New Yorker that "I had this weird tumor as a kid, and they scooped it out with a melon baller."
  • Stephen cannot be harmed by fire.
Comcoconut

Commander Coconut (visual approximation)

  • On March 16, 2006, Colbert featured a review from Orlando Sentinel columnist Commander Coconut in his "Who's Attacking Me Now?" segment. The review stated that Coconut was unable to pay attention to anything but Colbert's ears, as his right one sticks out slightly. In a call to Coconut regarding the review, Colbert stated that the doctor also noticed it stuck out slightly when he pulled the tumor out. Colbert continued his diatribe for several minutes to the apparent mortification of Coconut, though Coconut later revealed they had rehearsed the call several times. After the replay of the phone conversation, however, Colbert stated that he had not in fact had a tumor in his ear.
  • Stephen Colbert recently exposed the peach based lies of the state of Georgia.
  • Stephen is a McConaughey man.
  • The San Francisco Zoo recently named a baby Bald Eagle after Colbert. He features clips of the bird occasionally on his show.
  • Colbert was named Playgirl magazine's Man of the Year for 2006.
  • Stephen cannot smell flowers.
  • Colbert cannot see color or gender. He only sees Americans. However, he believes that he is white since he belongs to an all-white country club
  • Stephen Colbert is the father of my love child. He is my baby's poppa. He spreads his seed in gas stations across the midwest in hopes of creating a hybrid Colbertian race of super-intelligent mock neo-con journalists.
  • Stephen Colbert has the largest penis ever - See Also: Stephen Colbert's Penis
  • Stephen Colbert can drink a gallon of milk in one hour without throwing up.
  • Stephen hates French people, but if he did have a French friend, it would be Serge LeBlanc. Serge is not France French, nor Quebec French, but Acadian French, which is less surrendery, but more deporty than average French.
  • French "food" gives him gas.
  • Stephen has a huge collection of Jimmy Buffett albums.
  • Stephen can read Chinese. It's just something he can do.
  • Stephen loves Christmas, and does what he can to involve his interns by hanging mistletoe over their desks.
  • Stephen's favorite Jay-Z songs:
    • Dirt Off Your Shoulder
    • Encore
    • Can't Knock The Hustle
    • Can I Live
    • Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)
    • 99 Problems
    • Big Pimpin'
    • December 4th
    • Pop For Rock
    • Things That U Do
    • Dope Man
    • Izzo
    • Never Change
    • All I Need
    • Change Clothes
    • Friend or Foe
    • Face-off
    • Rap Game/Crack Game
    • Can I Get A...
    • Jigga Wha, Jigga Who

Professional

  • Colbert was named as one of Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People for 2006. Furthermore, among those 100 people, Time's online poll of readers' picks currently rates Colbert as the 2nd highest rated! In 2008, America atoned for their sins and made him Number 1!!!
  • Within 24 hours on the weekend of April 29-30, 2006, Colbert was the keynote speaker at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner; co-hosted Saturday Night Live as the voice of animated character Ace, with Steve Carell's Gary; and was profiled on 100 hours.
  • Wrote an article in Wired on how to be an expert like him: the August 2006 article
  • Colbert was the commencement speaker for the class of 2006 at Dumb as Rocks College. Colbert also received an honorary Doctor of Fine Arts Degree from the college on June 3, 2006. On the June 8, 2006 show his credit changed to Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A.
  • Colbert is one of the main and the funniest characters on Harvey Birdman
  • In his gravitas newsanchor voice, Colbert performed the opening narration of the play/film Big and the Angry Inch and on a track for the Poop in a Box (2003) CD, a compilation of music from and inspired by the play/film. His narration segues into Spoon performing "Fear Me Now."
  • Stephen is the Archduke of Scarborough Country

What Stephen Colbert is Not

  • ball-less
  • a pussy.
  • a liberal.
  • a gay.
  • a $cientologist
  • a mortal
  • Rurouni Kenshin. Commonly, and easily, confused.
  • seeing anyone (Do you hear me, Charlene?!)
  • dating his building manager, Tad.
  • from Canada or any other place where French reproduce
  • a pipewrench.
  • a comedian using the character of a gung-ho American to poke fun at the political right with statements that seem to unwittingly degrade them through a facade of deadpan delivery.
  • Carolina Panthers wide receiver Keary Colbert.
  • proud of his past (I said I was sorry, Charlene!)

Places Where Stephen Has Been Seen

Stephentoast

A piece of toast!













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Stephen Colbert  | Jesus Christ  | George W. Bush
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