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< Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
is a member of the Bear Hunters of America.
Be Scared, Bears.
  • For Information on the character Stephen plays in interviews, please click here.
  • For Information on Stephen's Political Ambitions, please click here.
  • For Personal or Professional Trivia about Stephen, please click here.

Stephen's PurposeEdit

Stephen's purpose is to shout at people who disagree with him. If they continue to disagree, then more gut is used. Some say, if necessary, he applies the Matt Drudge method of threats, harassment, and email floods to protect the truthiness. If the Hate America Firsters still don't comply, he sends Dick Cheney a smiley face.

Career in newsEdit

Early careerEdit

Colbert first worked at South Carolina news affiliate KTRU, working as a field investigative reporter, where he garnered great success for such investigative reports as: "How Liberal Local News is Destroying America", "Bears: A Study of Evil", and "Charlene: Portrait of Beauty".

In the early 1980s, Colbert briefly left the news industry to pursue a lifelong dream of a career in music, becoming frontman for the band called Stephen and the Colberts. They mostly did love songs and power ballads. On the February 9, 2006 episode of the Report, Colbert unveiled a previously unreleased music video as a special Valentine's Day treat. The song was dedicated to his ex-lover Charlene and apparently does not violate the restraining order she has against him. The title of the song is "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)" and was recorded for the album: "The Charlene Collection, Volume 1".

In 1987 Stephen converted to Islam, joining the growing ranks of secret muslims over a decade before Barack Obama made it cool and establishing Stephen as a true American pioneer. He has spent much of his free time the last twenty years investigating the Qur'an and Hadith in hopes of finding support for his claim that Bears are God-less killing machines.

After leaving the music scene after being disenchanted by the liberal bias, Colbert returned to news in an anchor position in Arizona, where he developed his oft-renowned supply of gravitas, as well as a dashing mustache. He then took a job filming correspondent segments for Good Morning America. Only two of the segments he proposed were ever produced, and only one aired, but the job led his agent to refer him to the Daily Show's then-producer, Madeline Smithberg, who hired Colbert on a trial basis in 1997.

Colbert on The Daily ShowEdit

ColbertTDS

Colbert as "Senior White House Analyst" on The Daily Show

Stephen Colbert joined the cast of Comedy Central's daily-news series The Daily Show in 1997, when the show was in its second season. Originally one of four "correspondents" who taped segments from remote locations, Colbert was referred to as "the new guy" on-air for his first two years on the show, during which time Craig Kilborn served as host. When Kilborn left the show prior to the 1999 season, Jon Stewart took over hosting duties, also serving as co-executive producer.

From this point, the series gradually began to take on a more political tone, and began to increase in popularity, particularly in the latter part of 2000, during the U.S. presidential election season. The role of the show's correspondents was expanded to include more in-studio segments, as well as international reports.

Some memorable segments Colbert has appeared in for The Daily Show have included "Even Stevphen" with Steve Carell, and "This Week in God," a weekly report on topics in the news pertaining to religion, presented with the help of "The God Machine". Memorable reports include the 2001 "break-up" of the Republicans "Singing Senators" following the defection of Jim Jeffords, and the report on Prince Charles and the British media reporting of royal family scandals through suggestive innuendo. In a few episodes of The Daily Show, Colbert filled in as anchor in the absence of Jon Stewart, including the full week of March 3, 2002 when Stewart was scheduled to host Saturday Night Live. On one occasion, guest interviewee Al Sharpton failed to arrive for the taping, so Colbert filled in as Sharpton.

After Colbert left the show, the duty of filling in for Stewart was assumed by Rob Corddry. Corddry also took over the "This Week in God" segments. However, Corddry has since left the show. New episodes of The Daily Show, which continues to hemorrhage millions of viewers since the departure of Colbert in October 2005, still occasionally reuse older Colbert segments under the label "Klassic Kolbert" as a desperate cry for help.

The Colbert ReportEdit

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Colbert in the title sequence, on The Colbert Report.

Since October 17, 2005, Colbert has hosted his own television show, The Colbert Report, which is a personality-driven news show, that has been emulated particularly by shows such as The O'Reilly Factor and Scarborough Country.

The concept for The Report was first seen in a series Daily Show segment which advertised the upcoming series. The show opened to strong ratings, averaging 1.2 tetrillion viewers nightly during its first week on the air. Comedy Central signed a long-term contract for The Colbert Report within its first month on the air, when it immediately established itself among the network's highest-rated shows.

In January 2006, the American Dialect Society named as its 2005 Word of the Year: truthiness, which Colbert featured on the premiere episode of the Report. Colbert devoted time on five successive episodes to bemoaning the failure of the Associated Press to mention his role in popularizing the word truthiness in its news coverage of the Word of the Year.

Invited To Host Saturday Night LiveEdit

Dr. Colbert has been invited, and has accepted the hosting duties for Saturday Night Live on October 7, 2006. Why he accepted this is unknown as Dr. Colbert is not an actor or a comedian.

At the last minute, scheduling conflicts prevented Dr. Colbert from honoring his committment to host the program "Saturday Night Live" on October 7, 2006.

A spokesman for Dr. Colbert told the assembled press that Dr. Colbert accompanied Condoleeza Rice to Baghdad.

Issues of National Security prevented Dr. Colbert from disclosing the true nature of his appearances.

2006 White House Correspondents' Association DinnerEdit

See White House Correspondents' Association Dinner for details on how Colbert made this the only liberal media dinner worth attending in history.

White House Press SecretaryEdit

Dr. Colbert wanted to be The Greatest President-EVER!'s Press Secretary but lost to Tony Snow. Helen Thomas was the reason why Stephen did not get the job.

According to FOX News, Christina Aguilera is the projected winner of the 2008 election. Her cabinet announcements confirmed that Stephen Colbert would be White House Press Sec. Aguilera promises to kick Helen Thomas out of the Press Room. Christina is a huge Colbert Report fan.

Fitness GuruEdit

Stephen in a speedo

Stephen on the Cover of Bodybuilding Magazine

Stephen Colbert has won the Mr. Universe title so many times, he has been officially disqualified, to give other people a chance. Colbert doesn't actually have to work out, as one cannot improve upon perfection. However, Colbert keeps fit and trim with a steady diet of the following:

[Note: The Picture to the right has been photoshopped. Stephen Colbert's Penis was shrunken down to a more manageable size, as to not offend the Baby Jesus]





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