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Slavery
helps Americans better understand
The Free Market
America thanks you, Slavery
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Slavery
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!


Slavery is every Real American's God given right. The Bible teaches us how to practice it as we wish. Here's what the Bible says about Slavery.

Slavery never really existed, it is a figment of all Jews' and darkies' collective minds. It is a myth perpetuated by the Liberals so that they can get votes from darkies and Jews. Republicans are better because we don't see race. This is the only reason why black people are voting for Democrats. The only reason. Remember that. History tells us of many things that have purported to happened that never did, like the Spanish Inquisition. We know this because it comes from the gut.

Slaves1
Eygptians owned darkies and Jews
Ca1vinAdded by Ca1vin

HistoryEdit

Slavery was first brought upon the world by the Egyptians who enslaved the Jews. This is well documented in the Baby Jesus-approved movie which shows how Charlton Heston went up on a mountain and talked with God on how to destroy Egypt by bringing plagues of Liberals, Democrats, and America Haters.

This should teach us all a lesson that we must destroy all the liberals in America. Like that wasn't obvious.

American SlaveryEdit

Blacksownwat
Slavery in America is over, but black people in Afrika never got the message
MutopisAdded by Mutopis
Slavery(02:52)
Slavery is Back, Baby!

Slavery in America was started by liberals in the 17th century. It continued for a hundreds of years, until Republican President Abraham Lincoln ended it, along with racism, in the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Former Confederate General Robert Byrd and the liberals however countered the end of slavery by creating a race of bears known as the KKK. Because of the Republican party's opposition to slavery, many of today's African-Americans are Republicans, including people like Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama (Oh wait! He's half-African-African-American), Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. Not that these people are Republicans, but people like them are.

ApologyEdit

On the February 1, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report, Stephen apologized on behalf of America for slavery and offered reparations in the form of a 10% discount on The Stephen Colbert Southern Heritage Collection at the Colbert Nation gift shop.

Letter from a Happy SlaveEdit

Slavery bumper sticker
A free slave in every household!
MutopisAdded by Mutopis

We are told that black people were happy being slaves back in the good old days, why this one slave wrote to his master that he would be more than happy to be a slave once again. But that dastardly Lincoln wont allow him.

Dayton, Ohio,

August 7, 1865

To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee

Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin's to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,—the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,—and the children—Milly, Jane, and Grundy—go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, "Them colored people were slaves" down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor's visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams's Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.

In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve—and die, if it come to that—than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

From your old servant,

Jourdon Anderson.

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