Contents 1 Headline text 2 Russia's Ignoble Past 3 Factoids 4 Russia's Ambiguous Present 5 Bearism in Russia 6 Russia's Glorious Future 7 External Tubes

Headline text Edit

A country that is not quite in Europe and not quite in Asia, but is all cold.

Russia is full of Russians, who drink lots of vodka, eat borscht, and go driving.

Russia's Ignoble PastEdit

Some ( Primarily America envying Europeans) say that World War II was won only because of the Russians' diligence and extreme sacrifice. This is not true. America won World War II due its sheer awesomeness and large stockpile of nucular weapons.

Factoids Edit

• Russia is a consistently poor country, and is always trying to borrow money from America. "Hey, Stephen, can you loan poor Sergei thirty kopecks?" I think NOT!
• Russia is secretly communist, though they pretend to be democratic.
• Russia is probably the second greatest country on Earth. Dammit. WAIT! The VATICAN is a country!

Actual conversation from the Eastern Front:

"lolwut? The Nazis are entrenched with machine gun nests? ZERG RUSH!!111!!1 KEKEKEKEKEKE"

Russia was once a heaven for Communists, until Ronald Reagan tore down that wall. That brought liberty, freedom, and numerous McDonald's stores to the poor, oppressed, and dispirited peoples of Eastern Europe, who then threw off the shackles of Communist oppression in favor of free market capitalism and delicous, nutritious American food -- of course we are not talking about California-style food, or Maryland crab cakes! And the first McDonald's in Moscow was started by a Canadian who was pretending to be American so that his worthless country could have something--for once!--to boast about other than being the world's largest butcherers of wildlife, namely the yearly baby seal hunt. This in turn caused the collapse of the Soviet Union and brought about the end of the Cold War.

Russia's Ambiguous PresentEdit

Today, Russia keeps in close contact with the United States, but maintains the status of "Frenemy of the State." While The Greatest President Ever has looked into the eyes of Russia's former President, (Vladimir Putin), and has seen that Vladimir (he calls him Vladimir) is a good man with whom he shares many values, this does not mean that we always agree with Russia about everything.

For example, Russians probably know where "Azerbajian" is. Americans can't even spell it. But Canadians think it's the sixth planet.

Bearism in RussiaEdit

The great Bear of Russia is related to the great bear Ursa in Bearism, making Bearism Russias religion of the underground mole people and secret government. In the communist past of Russia the godless killing machine was supported by the Bearists of the past going as Athiests or Agnostics on the surface due to the discrimination of the religion at the time, though it was not known as Bearism for it was still in its early stages of development.

Russia's Glorious FutureEdit

In spite of all this, Russia is likely to remain the SECOND greatest country on America's Planet for some time to come. Why? Because everyone knows that size does matter. Stockpiles of nucular weapons don't hurt none, neither.

External TubesEdit

• Russia to end racism
• God Invades Moscow
• Russia to fight off Alien invasion
• The Cold War is Back, Baby!
• Russia's marketing campaign goes wrong: They still need more time to learn how Capitalism is done We would have used a CGI donkey surrounded by bikini wearing babes promoting bestiality family entertainment/beer/[insert your product] on the beach...
• Russia still learning how to be a capitalist
• IN POST-SOVIET RUSSIA, *CITY* RELOCATES *YOU*
• Wolves now taking over.
• Angry Birds to be the downfall of Russia
• Russia creates fake Daily Show