Richard Nixon
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
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Richard Millhouse Van Houten Nixon the Honest was the first Holy Roman Emperor of the United States, serving from 1969 to 1974. Nixon is famously known for single-handedly winning the Vietnam War and retiring as a Great American Hero at the top of his game.
[edit] Early Life
Richard Nixon was born to homsexuals Adolf nixon hitler and Charles Manson who conceived him using the frozen sperm of Buddah and a turkey baster. He was raised as an evangelical Quaker, and throughout his life he would pray five times a day to the Quaker Oats Man, Dick Cheney.
In 1926, Nixon attended ITT Technical Institute on a full athletics scholarship (flag twirling). While there, he became known for being a master debater and for having extremely hairy palms. He also ran for student body president, but was defeated after it was revealed he bugged the dorm rooms of his opponents . Nixon learned his lesson and would never do that again, because he wasn't a crook.
[edit] Fun Facts
- he inspired the Republican tactic of mobilizing the base
- Being Nixonish is second only to being Lincolnish.
- People dress like him on Halloween, but we aren't sure why.
- He once wandered the streets of Washington, D.C., naked, armed only with a bottle of moonshine and a meat hammer, striking down godless hippies and bears alike
- Had an awesome dog named Checkers.
- Resigned from the presidency because he thought America deserved a Republican as great as Gerald Ford.
- Jesus guided Ford's hand to pardon him
- He earned everything he got, according to him.
- He is definitely not a crook despite what the left wing conspiracy has said; if he said he's not a crook nixo-facto he's not a crook.
- He is totally not racist, and totally not anti-semitic.
- He has pouches on the sides of is inner cheeks (the ones on his face) that allow him to store favoured treats the likes of almonds, handkerchiefs and AK 47s. This is why he has large jowls.
