ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

Regular Americans
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

Regular Americans are the people who define America and her values.

Qualities That Define Regular AmericansEdit

• Middle to upper class families. However, you must idealize blue-collar workers while secretly praying that your child doesn't become one.
• Live in small towns or suburbs.
• White, though Negroes and other minorities are acceptable if they can be assimilated.
• Protestant Christian, though Catholics and Jews are okay. Mormons may be accepted someday as well because they hate gays.
• A family with two married, opposite-sex parents. Single mothers not allowed because they're all Welfare Queens.
• Republican. Duh.

What Real Americans AvoidEdit

• Elitist Ivy League schools
• Big cities because they corrupt our values.
  • Any place that hasn't had a lynch mob in the past 100 years.
• Non-Americanized minorities.
• Non-Christians.
• Gays. As Joe the Plumber has said, its okay to have gay friends so long as they stay away from your children.

People Who Are Regular AmericansEdit

• Joe Sixpack
• Joe the plumber
• John Q. Public
• Jane Q. Public
• Harry and Louise
• Mr. and Mrs. America
• Little Johnny, a student
• Little Sally, another student

People Who Fight Against Regular AmericansEdit

• Joe and Eileen

See AlsoEdit

• Small Town America
• Main Street
• Kitchen Table
• Real Americans