Quaker

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A secret sect of Mooslimism that began in Pennsylvania Dutch country. They share with their Middle Eastern brother's hatred of all things American, especially cartoon depictions of their prophet.

Contents 1 Beliefs 1.1 Baking Rivalry 2 Rituals 3 Holy Days 4 Origins 5 Modern Quakerism 6 Famous Quakists

[edit] Beliefs

[edit] Baking Rivalry

American Quakers are pro-oatmeal, in direct violation of the Mooslamic fundamentalism, which is pro-pastry.

For centuries, the breakfast of choice divided the Quakers from the other, more elaborate pastry-eating sects of Mooslimism

[edit] Rituals

[edit] Holy Days

[edit] Origins

[edit] Modern Quakerism

You know those dirty hippies that claim to be Christians and wear boring clothes?

that's them.

[edit] Famous Quakists

Smedley Butler Rush Holt Ben Kingsley Herbert Hoover Richard M. Nixon Joseph H. Taylor, Jr. etc.