Prime Ministers of Canada

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Prime Ministers of Canada
is too Canadian, speak American, eh.


The Prime Minister of Canada is the head of government of the nation north of America. Of course the PM is not as signifigant as the American president (and not even close to as powerful). In other words, the PM is the President's bitch.

Contents

[edit] Background

The position of prime minister has been around since 1867, John A. MacDonald assassinated the Liberal opposition. From then on, about 20 men held the post: some for a few days and others for an eternity. Some have been great allies to the USA while others were despicable bear sympathizers who did nothing but shoot maple syrup and legalize gay marriage.

[edit] Common Characteristics of the Prime Ministers

  • Most of them are Canadian (except for a couple of dirty Brits)
  • About half were Catholic (though some were not faithful)
  • All ended every sentence with "eh"
  • All of the Liberals had relationships with bears

[edit] List of Prime Minister's

[edit] 1. Sir John Alexander MacDonald

  • A dirty Scotsman
  • Best known for his funny hair
  • Married a first cousin (its true!)
  • Conservative (yipee!)
  • Involved in a scandal but since he is Conservative nobody cares
  • Had a huge nose
  • An alcoholic known to throw up on Liberals

[edit] 2. Alexander Mackenzie (no sir)

  • Also a dirty Scotsman
  • A Liberal
  • Never elected since the Canadian political system is on crack
  • One of the funniest looking PMs (resembles a monkey and a bear)
  • Lost election to the Conservatives

[edit] 3. Sir John Abbot

  • A Conservative
  • Had wicked sideburns
  • Retired early
  • Born in Canada

[edit] 4. Sir John Sparrow David Thompson (the first in a long line of PMs with long names)

  • Conservative
  • Had a heart attack at Windsor Castle before having tea with the queen (imagine the look on her face!

[edit] 5. Sir Mackenzie Bowell (that's his real name!)

  • Conservative
  • Had a cool beard.

[edit] 6. Sir Charles Tupper

  • Also had wicked sideburns.
  • Conservative but lost an election.

[edit] 7. Sir Wilfrid Laurier (Low-Re-Eh)

  • Liberal
  • Drugged Canadians into re-electing him again and again
  • "Led" Canada into the 20th century (way to spoil the millenium)
  • Was weak since he compromised too much.
  • Had extramarrital relationships (unlike Clinton he had a baby!)
  • Was a dumbass and lost the election before World War I since he would not conscript men and wanted the Germans and the Bears to overun Europe and North America.

[edit] 8. Sir Robert Laird Borden

  • The first great PM of the 20th century.
  • Conscripted men to save the world.
  • Did not criticize America when they entered the war in 1917 since he knew they weren't being assholes- they were just looking out for what was best for them.

[edit] 9. Arthur Meighen (there are no more sirs since the Royal Family lost their funtioning ability to knight others due to inbreeding)

  • The only failure Conservative: he took over for Borden but lost an election and after King had a scandal and lost an election. Blame the liberal media! and bears!

[edit] 10. William Lyon Mackenzie King

  • If you hate a prime minister- this is the guy!
  • Liberal
  • Grandson of a famous rebel who tried to overthrow the world by siding with the bears during the Rebellion of 1837
  • Served for more than 20 years (communist)
  • Did not love Jesus- talked to spirits of dead mother, dog, and a variety of old bear friends for advice.
  • Resembles the traditional image of satan.
  • Involved in multiple scandals.
  • It is speculated that he was secretely responsible for causing the Titanic, the Stock Market Crash, the assassination of Abe Lincoln, and World War II.
  • Never got married since he was a homosexual.

[edit] 11. Richard Bedford Bennett

  • Great at running an economy into the ground (which is why communists hated him)
  • Did nothing for the people (like a government should)
  • The liberal historians continue to demonize him saying he made the Depression worse

[edit] 12. Louis St. Laurent

  • Random Prime Minister that no one ever remembers
  • The Peacenick used diplomacy in the Middle East (shameful)

[edit] 13. John George Diefenbaker

  • Progressive - Conservative
  • Hated JFK
  • Much loved by Canadians because he refused to be the American President's bitch.
  • Built a museum in Saskatoon to ensure his legacy lived on
  • Opposite of Trudeau (#15), except they both liked the Bill of Rights

[edit] 14. Lester Bowles Pearson

  • Liberal
  • Went by the nickname "Mike"
  • Won Nobel Peace Prize
  • Communist Sympathizer (Worked with Commies to make Health Care Public)

[edit] 15. Pierre Elliot Trudeau

  • Liberal
  • Alienated Western Canada (and he didn't care)
  • Tried to unite Canada under a constitution, ended up dividing Canada and prompting years of Quebec separation threats / referendums.
  • Most famous for giving Canadians the finger and doing ballet in ((Buckingham Palace)) This has lead to widespread speculation that he, too, was a latent homosexual.
  • Jean Chretien was his bitch.
  • Strangely enough, still much loved by Liberals, who have never found an adequate successor.
  • Had a couple of attractive offspring, who may be the next generation of Canadian royalty :)

[edit] 16. Joe Clark

  • Nickname "Joe Who?"
  • Prime Minister for a few months
  • Didn't accomplish much
  • Lead his party after it was annihilated in 1993 (the party was taken over by the wonderful Canadian Alliance in 2003)

[edit] 17. Brian Mulroney

  • Created US-Canada Free Trade Agreement
  • Loved Ronald Reagan
  • Created GST
  • Tried again and again to reform the constitution
  • Liberal media hated him causing his party to be annihilated in 1993

[edit] 18. Kim Campbell

  • Iron Lady of Canada
  • Liberal media hated her for Brian Mulroney
  • Prime Minister for a few months

[edit] 19. Jean Chrétien

  • Again another French wussy
  • Stayed out of Iraq
  • Hates America
  • Hated Bush, Loved Clinton
  • Calles Bush moron through surrogate and then calls Bush a friend (liar!)
  • When you have a good proof it is because it's proven (likes facts too much)

[edit] 20. Paul Martin

  • He's Okay. Liked Bush and sent Canadian troops to Kandahar for him
  • But he's too much of a do-gooder
  • Was finance minister and loved corporations

[edit] 21. Stephen Harper

  • Canada's best Prime Minister to America
  • Loves Bush a lot
  • Loves corporations and god
  • Hates gays
  • Good for America




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