Nuns are female Christians committed to Jesus. For a trans-dead dude, he got some groupie.
Who Can Become A Nun?Edit
Not everyone can become a nun. Unfortunately for those who love Jesus sooo much, that they are willing to become his bride must pass some very rigorous tests. But don't worry, even if you don't become a nun, it doesn't mean that Jesus doesn't love you, it just means he just wants to be friends:
- please sent body measurements first... to get the correct habit size...(sorry, no fatties)
- Must be young and
naiveinnocent (we want you to serve the Lord for a long time, plus thinking is overrated)
- Good looking (is for the children, we don't want to scare them, are we?)
- Willing to do anything for the Lord... ANYTHING
- Must be willing to live in solitary confinement with no other men in sight and share her room with other women when asked...
- Previous sluts is a must... err... to help them convert into the bow of chastity.
Remember, doing the Lord's work is not an easy job, all those applying must be willing to sacrifice a life of a professional career in the secular world, giving up the prospect of starting a family and having children, surrendering all of your worldly and financial possessions to the church, and giving up your ability to retain any free will or liberal thinking of your part. But I promise you it will be worth it... in some level. Its true that it will be a very fulfilling life of hard labor, a never ending life of unappreciated contributions, and a very solitary existence with a forlorn ending. But at least you get to go to Heaven. Take that Atheists!!
What Educashun Does A Nun Need?Edit
|THE FLYING NUN (1967-1970)(01:02)|
|Flying Nuns will still require a pilots license. It’s the law ladies!|
These young brides of Jesus are given a wholesome educashun in our very "special" schools of religious training. They are all sent to a very distant and remote areas of the country in which they will learn from each other, and they will eat their meals in the bonds of a sisterhood environment where no men will be allowed. They will share their room with other young nuns... they will bathe with other... young nuns... they will sleep... errr... Yes, educashun is very important!:
- You will learn the Bible
- You will learn many prayers
- You will learn how to kneel down for long hours (which is important for prayer)
- You will learn to sing and play the guitar
- You will learn how to cook and clean
- You will learn how to "satisfy" the Lord and Savior (this is very important girls!)
- You will learn how to fly (for Advance students only)
Remember, anything you learn will be applicable in your life. Not only that, but the teaching will also help kick Satan's ass and fighting crime when needed! What? You thought your life will be menial and mediocre? Of course not! We are at war with Hell after all! Their minions are constantly bombarding America with liberalism and hippie bear-loving lies. Which is why you will be working in the kitchen to feed God's soldiers and clean God's soldiers laundry so they can fight another day. A very fulfilling curriculum.
What Do Nuns Do?Edit
- Fighting Satan and Crime before curfew hour.
- Cooking for God's salvation
- Cleaning for God's sake
- Washing the dirty floors of the church for God's cleanliness
- Praying for the
joosheathens souls and salvation
- Spanking and hitting naughty children...
What Special Equipment Do Nuns Need?Edit
Once you become a certified Nun, you will be giving a license to carry concealed rulers. The minions of Satan does not like to be hit with wooden rulers for some reason. You can also carry plastic ones, but we recommend wood, there is something about the feeling of being hit by a wooden surface that turn... err... moving on.
It will be your duty to teach the young minds of America the teaching of the Bible. Unfortunately some of those
bastards children will suffer from learning disabilities, so make sure you smack them very hard, be advice to also spank them when applicable. The harder you hit them the faster they will learn. Also, some unruly and undisciplined children will challenge your position of authority, don't let them! Smack the devil out of them and they will thank you later. And don't worry about the possibility that these events could scar them for life. I was smacked by nuns all my life and there was no... traumati... OH, PLEASE HIT ME ONE MORE TIME!
Also, it is very important to have the right "tools" to convert the heathen masses, so make sure you wear the
sexy official habits designed for the purpose of converting the young impressionable minds of America. After all, you are in the service of saving their souls!
Where Do Nuns Work?Edit
All nuns work in God's many houses in all the world. God has more houses than John McCain!
How Much Money Do Nuns Make?Edit
Nuns work pro-bono with the promise that once they
die are raptured they will go to heaven and live in one of God's many mansions for all eternity. Also, did we mention that Heaven is providing some very attractive time-shares?