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Moses

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ConfusedDog
Random10
"SMOOTHIES ARE FLYING VERBAL MAGAZINES PERSONIFIED!!"
I fear what I don't understand, and I don't understand this.
Be less random and be more truthy--use your gut.


SammyDavisJr
Moses
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!


LeftCherubLeftCherubGet your hands off of me your damn dirty apeRightCherubRightCherub
~ The Holy Bible, Moses. 6000 BC
Moses
Moses
Ca1vinAdded by Ca1vin

Who is Moses?Edit

Moses is the Jews version of Jesus, who thinks he is cooler. Moses enjoys a good scotch from time to time.


What Moses Does in His Free TimeEdit

After having his scotch, Moses will periodically part different bodies of water and do random "acts of God" just to screw with the population. (No one ever said that God didn't have a sense of humor.) How ever God frowns upon this from time to time because the Jews can be bad people (as witnessed in the bible) and do the wrong thing for the wrong reasons.

Moses also enjoys playing a spot of basketball, he's the really old guy that whips the young boys asses on the court and then promptly laughs as he takes their money. He will also randomly appear as a homeless man asking for food, by the way if you don't feed him you will be condemned to burn in hell for the rest of all eternity after dying a gruesome and painful death by being beaten to death by a Democrat.

HistoryEdit

Moses was born as an Egyptian slave to poor Jews. Since his parents knew that being Jewish sucked, they stuck him in a small boat and tried to drown him. Luckily for him, an Egyptian princess found this child and decided to raise him on her own. (Back then, no one questioned women who never looked pregnant but suddenly had children.) One day, his Jewish mother told his Egyptian mother that Moses was Jewish. This pissed Moses off so he killed an Egyptian. He then fled into the desert where he spoke with a burning bush and freed the Jews.

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