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Meatloaf

Meatloaf is the Apple Pie of meats

Meatloaf (mēt'lōf') is the sophisticated, older brother of the hamburger. As such, meatloaf is the type of gourmet meal that a true American can enjoy without feeling like a sissy from France.

Similar to a hamburger, meatloaf in the belly can amplify the gut, which makes it easier to determine truthiness.





Etymology

meat + loaf

  • Loaf: Old American speak derived from "hlaf" meaning any food that is solid and exhibits truthiness.

History of Meatloaf

And on the Eighth Day, God gave us loaf

Shortly after the Industrial Revolution, God created America. To spare Americans from the tasteless but decadent culinary fare of Old Europe, God encouraged early Americans to try ground meat in their dishes.

Inspired by God, a group of early-American inventors, George Washington, Henry Ford, and Optimus Prime, constructed a machine that made it possible for ground meat be manufactured and sold to the public at a very low cost. Their meat grinder invention functioned to force meat against and through small holes as it is cut. All of the unAmerican meat slury portion would be separated out during this process, and all that would remain would be heatlhy and purely American ground meat. Now we're in flavor country!
Buffalo-head 1

MMMMMMM....buffalo: a great meat to use for a meatloaf, or the greatest meat for a meatloaf?

The Rise of Meatloaf, and the Demise of the Buffalo

At first, many Americans were slow to purchase raw ground meat products and generally regarded them with suspicion as a Communist conspiracy to fatten Americans. Companies selling meat grinders to home consumers endeavored to change this view by provided recipe books to promote their products.

An early recipe for Kentucky-style Meatloaf, by Colonel Sanders, instructs the cook to press ground buffalo meat into the shape of a chicken leg and season it with "11 herbs and spices." Eventually, Colonel Sanders left the meatloaf business to focus on colonel-ing. Nevertheless, the popularity of meatloaf grew as the American public began incorporating ground buffalo meat into as many meals as possible.

The decline in America's buffalo population has been directly linked to the rise in popularity of meatloaf. At the turn of the century, there were as few as one Buffalo in America. Unfortunately, misguided environmentalists and Ted Turner have foolishly allowed the devilish creature to once again propagate[1] in our Great Land. Thus, Buffalo are not extinct, but at least they are still around to provide the basis for a good meatloaf.
LoafBear

Bear-shaped Meatloaf makes a great Sunday dinner!

Meatloaf in Contemporary America

Today, three out of four Americans say they will not go to sleep without at least digesting one meatloaf-related dish during the day. Meatloaf is so American and truthy that it is digested by the crazies at Guantanamo, which may or may not exist, to cure them of their ailments.



Meatloaf-Related Ailments

MeatloafSinger

This is what happens when one eats insufficient amounts of meatloaf

Meatloaf is not responsible for causing any ailments. Only eating insufficient amounts of meatloaf leads one to become ill. For example, the "popular singer" Meatloaf gained his nickname because he hated to eat meatloaf. Because he ate meatloaf too infrequently, the singer balooned to over 300 pounds in weight and developed a love for gay ballads.


Recipe for Papa Bear's No Spin Loaf

Ingredients

Preparation

  1. In a large bowl, mix meat, freedom fries, blood, ketchup, egg, and truthiness.
  2. In a 13x9-inch baking pan, shape meat mixture into a 9x5-inch loaf. Bake at 375° for 1 hour. Using 2 spatulas, carefully move meat loaf to a serving plate and slice. Serves 6 to 8 1 to 2 God loving Americans.
Hasselhoff

Many Hollywood types, like the Hoff, prefer to wear meatloaf on their heads as hair because they fear the impact of meatloaf in their guts. Accordingly, the Hoff, and most of his Hollywood ilk, are not Real Americans

Tip from Papa Bear

Flag quote open clear2
"Take advantage of the free time while the No Spin Loaf is cooking in order to center one's spiritual self by reading a good book, such as Tuesdays with Morrie, catching up with old friends, like Geraldo and Sean Hannity, or instituting a boycott against products from Canada."
Flag quote close clear2


Factoid

  • Some Americans are content dining on meatloaf only once a week. Some people even go weeks at a time without having meatloaf. In truthiness, you are not a Real American if you don't eat meatloaf at least five times per week.

Notes

  1. Don't ask me how they got one Buffalo to propagate; it probably had something to do with stem cells.

See Also

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