May 13, 1964: Great day? Or The Greatest Day Ever? It needs must follow that it is the latter, seeing as how this was the day that the great Stephen Colbert issued forth from his mother's blessed womb. He is the only person in the 6000 year history of America's Planet to have been born on this day.
Following Stephen's arrival into this world, people came from all over, bearing gifts of diamonds, gold, and silver, along with unpronounceable, unspellable spices and scented oils. Many came from miles away, from places such as Iraq, Finland, and California just to see him.
Although documented in the Colbert Family Bible, many historians have challenged the notion that Stephen's birth was accompanied by trumpeting horns and a mass gathering of local wildlife seeking to pay respects to their new Lord and Savior. Dr. Amanda Huggankiss, the doctor who delivered young Stephen, has been quoted as saying, "Stephen's birth was unremarkable and completely within normal circumstances." For his part, Dr. Colbert has charged that Dr. Huggankiss is "a left-wing, liberal, pinko who wouldn't know the birth of a divine figure if it bit her in her fat a$s!"
To send Dr. Colbert a birthday card, click here!