Lyndon Baines Johnson was the 36th President of the United States. Johnson started the Vietnam War and tried to leave the blame and that war's failure on President Richard Nixon, who was a Republican and one of our greatest presidents. It should be no suprise that Johnson was a lying democrat. Lyndon, unfortunately, did not make the great state of Texas proud, unlike our Greatest President, George W. Bush.
ChildhoodTo be a dogg
LBJ showed promised; he was born in the greatest country of all, The United States of Texas, and his father was a bear trapper. So where did this young boy go wrong and become a Democrat? Liberals, of course, would blame society, and in this case, they're right, because lil' LBJ grew up in one of the most liberal societies of all time, the New Deal. These traumatic experiences as a young boy surely prevented the young Texan from becoming a football star and instead sent him down a tragic spiral towards liberalism and bear worship.
Acquiring the Presidency
In 1963 Lee Harvey Oswald's unexpected but much appreciated assassination of pseudo-European socialist ginger John F. Kennedy thrust LBJ into the presidency. The next six years would be one of the most tumultuous times ever in American history.
War on Poverty
For some reason, Johnson refused to believe that poor people deserved to be poor because they didn't work hard enough; instead, he insisted that they were victims of society. He even refused the traditional liberal answer to this traditionally liberal question, which was to tax the rich and redistribute that money to the undeserving. Johnson essentially wanted a government-funded communist uprising, and he almost succeeded, were it not for God providing us with the Vietnam War, which drained funds from Johnson's communist plan.
The Great Society
If Johnson's plan did succeed, he would supposedly model America into "The Great Society," a place where everyone would be rewarded equally, no matter how much harder you worked than the next guy. Sound familiar? Probably not, unless you lived in COMMUNIST RUSSIA!! Good thing this Great Society thing doesn't exist. But if this nonexistent Great Society did exist, there would surely be a nonexistent rebellion fighting for freedom, which would probably be lead by a nonexistent and charismatic leader, such as Jesus or George W. Bush.
The War on Vietnam
The best part about Johnson's presidency is that there were so many wars, both at home and abroad. However, the Vietnam war sends mixed messages. While it's great that Johnson was trying to spread freedom to Vietnam, the alternative proposed by Republican candidate Barry Goldwater was even better. Goldwater proposed that we grow a pair and attack communism with everything we had, which surely would have lead to a global nucular war, ushering in the apocalypse and Rapturing god-fearing evangelicals to heaven while the heathen liberals and commies burned below. Sadly, the liberals once again interfered with God's Divine Plan and prevented the glorious second coming.
Civil rights is such an oxymoron. If I'm right, why should I be civil about it? Instead, I'd rather follow Bill O'Reilly's example and let everyone around me know how superior my views are. Whenever I meet someone with views opposed to mine, I'd shove verbal truthiness down his throat until he chokes on enlightenment, and I'd never pass up the chance to belittle someone less enlightened than myself on national TV. Seriously, civil rights is why America only has 50 states.
LBJ, however, thought that he knew what was best for everyone (even though that is known only tio God and Dick Cheney) and wanted to make America all equality-y. Despite the fact that most black people were more than happy to wait their turn to be treated like human beings, Johnson forced all these new-fangled "rights" on them.
What do we make of this strange character? His vain attempt to help the undeserving by inciting a Communist revolution combined with his preventing the Second Coming certainly make him a worse heathen than many of his fellow democratic transgressors. However, there is one thing we can credit to LBJ: he single-handedly destroyed the Democratic Party for a generation. From the ashes of all LBJ's failures, America has received many heroes, such as Richard Nixon the Honest and Ronald Reagan the Provider. So, while we still must deal with a communist Vietnam, at least we don't have to deal with more liberals trying to etch their way into history.
- Richard Nixon
- John F. Kennedy
- Barry Goldwater
- Nucular Weapons
- Civil Rights
- Joe Biden