The Greatest Presidents
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Below is a list of Presidents by their level of "greatness". It consists only of Presidents of the United States of America who were elected by certified American voters.
It doesn't include psuedo-anarchist goofy rock bands who defile that most hallowed title of office with songs about "Lumps" and Willie Nelson ice-cream ingredients. It also doesn't feature "Presidents" of them other countries. You got a problem with that Frenchie?!
Actual Presidents
Edit
| Rank | President | Notes |
| 1. | The Greatest President Ever | Duh! |
| 2. | Ronald Reagan | Pretended to be a Democrat to get intel for fellow Republicans. That takes some balls. Definitely the greatest acting President ever. |
| 3. | George Washington | Led us to victory against those evil fish n' chips-eating redcoats. |
| 4. | Richard Nixon | Founder of Executive Privilege. What is this "Watergate" of which you speak? |
| 5. | Gerald Ford | Second greatest unelected President EVER! |
| 6. | George H.W. Bush | A Bush who obviously has good baby batter. His term was undermined by the liberal media and an unfortunate comment about taxes. |
| 7. | Dwight D. Eisenhower | Proven military leader, Republican, and war-time President. Slips a little because of his Military Industrial Complex paranoia. |
| 8. | Abraham Lincoln | Republican, war-time President, and staunch defender of the Union. Plus he had lots of black friends! |
| 9. | Theodore Roosevelt | Despite having liberal conservationist tendencies, he was a Republican. And you must be good to get your face carved in the side of a mountain! |
| 10. | Ulysses S. Grant | A mediocre President, but a proven war leader and defender of America. Go South old man! |
| 11. | Benjamin Harrison | Republican and Civil War veteran. He lost the popular vote, hated taxes and loved foreign policy. Sound familiar? |
| 12. | Rutherford B. Hayes | Had one of the coolest names of any President. Republican who "won" his election soundly and reconciled with the South. |
| 13. | Calvin Coolidge | A Republican, but born in Vermont. Still, he was anti-immigration and had Bush-like economic beliefs. |
| 14. | Warren G. Harding | Short-lived Republican President who resolved World War 1 (Woodrow who?) and various economic tax breaks. |
| 20. | Chester A. Arthur | Elected originally as Vice President, this Republican from Vermont was tough on immigration and taxes, but soft on macho. |
| 21. | William Henry Harrison | Shortest Presidency yet. Despite being Republican he stupidly caught a cold at his inauguration, which developed into pneumonia. |
| 25. | William H. Taft | A compassionate conservative. But also a leader of limited charisma and a fan of big government. |
| 26. | William McKinley | Republican and martre through assassination. But also a tax-lover who was pushed reluctantly into war with Spain. |
| 30. | James Garfield | another Civil War military leader, and another martre to assassination. The only lasting legacy this President left was being a Democrat. |
| 31. | John Tyler | Although he was the one who annexed Texas, he was an unpopular one-term Democrat prone to waffling and procrastination. |
| 34. | Herbert Hoover | A |
| 35. | Woodrow Wilson | Father of the United Nations, Wilson is also famous for deliberately having no black friends. His only saving grace is his cool first name. |
| 42. | Bill Clinton | Inches ahead of Carter only because he was a ladies man. Will probably fall back if he unleashes his unholy wife on the Presidency! |
| 43. | Jimmy Carter | Dead last. You still smiling Jimmy? |
Remaining:
- John Adams
- Thomas Jefferson
- James Madison
- James Monroe
- John Quincy Adams
- Andrew Jackson
- Martin Van Buren
- James K. Polk
- Zachary Taylor
- Millard Fillmore
- Franklin Pierce
- James Buchanan
- Andrew Johnson
- Grover Cleveland
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
- Harry S. Truman
- John F. Kennedy
- Lyndon B. Johnson
Honorable MentionsEdit
Greatests who were denied the opportunity of Executive Privilege.
| Rank | Nearly President | Notes |
| 1. | Senator Joe McCarthy | A diligent protector of freedom who saw the Commie in us all. |
| 2. | Dick Cheney | Don't agree? Go f**k yourself! |
| 3. | Bill O'Reilly | |
| 4. | Rush Limbaugh | |
| 5. | FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover | Nearly the greatest cross-dressing President ever! |
