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The Greatest Presidents

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Below is a list of Presidents by their level of "greatness". It consists only of Presidents of the United States of America who were elected by certified American voters.

It doesn't include psuedo-anarchist goofy rock bands who defile that most hallowed title of office with songs about "Lumps" and Willie Nelson ice-cream ingredients. It also doesn't feature "Presidents" of them other countries. You got a problem with that Frenchie?!

Actual PresidentsEdit

Rank President Notes
1. The Greatest President Ever Duh!
2. Ronald Reagan Pretended to be a Democrat to get intel for fellow Republicans. That takes some balls. Definitely the greatest acting President ever.
3. George Washington Led us to victory against those evil fish n' chips-eating redcoats.
4. Richard Nixon Founder of Executive Privilege. What is this "Watergate" of which you speak?
5. Gerald Ford Second greatest unelected President EVER!
6. George H.W. Bush A Bush who obviously has good baby batter. His term was undermined by the liberal media and an unfortunate comment about taxes.
7. Dwight D. Eisenhower Proven military leader, Republican, and war-time President. Slips a little because of his Military Industrial Complex paranoia.
8. Abraham Lincoln Republican, war-time President, and staunch defender of the Union. Plus he had lots of black friends!
9. Theodore Roosevelt Despite having liberal conservationist tendencies, he was a Republican. And you must be good to get your face carved in the side of a mountain!
10. Ulysses S. Grant A mediocre President, but a proven war leader and defender of America. Go South old man!
11. Benjamin Harrison Republican and Civil War veteran. He lost the popular vote, hated taxes and loved foreign policy. Sound familiar?
12. Rutherford B. Hayes Had one of the coolest names of any President. Republican who "won" his election soundly and reconciled with the South.
13. Calvin Coolidge A Republican, but born in Vermont. Still, he was anti-immigration and had Bush-like economic beliefs.
14. Warren G. Harding Short-lived Republican President who resolved World War 1 (Woodrow who?) and various economic tax breaks.
20. Chester A. Arthur Elected originally as Vice President, this Republican from Vermont was tough on immigration and taxes, but soft on macho.
21. William Henry Harrison Shortest Presidency yet. Despite being Republican he stupidly caught a cold at his inauguration, which developed into pneumonia.
25. William H. Taft A compassionate conservative. But also a leader of limited charisma and a fan of big government.
26. William McKinley Republican and martre through assassination. But also a tax-lover who was pushed reluctantly into war with Spain.
30. James Garfield another Civil War military leader, and another martre to assassination. The only lasting legacy this President left was being a Democrat.
31. John Tyler Although he was the one who annexed Texas, he was an unpopular one-term Democrat prone to waffling and procrastination.
34. Herbert Hoover A Republican Democrat who did little during the Great Depression, except come up with an economic plans second only to Reaganomics, and allow FDR to steal his thunder. Way to go Herbie!
35. Woodrow Wilson Father of the United Nations, Wilson is also famous for deliberately having no black friends. His only saving grace is his cool first name.
42. Bill Clinton Inches ahead of Carter only because he was a ladies man. Will probably fall back if he unleashes his unholy wife on the Presidency!
43. Jimmy Carter Dead last. You still smiling Jimmy?

Remaining:

  • John Adams
  • Thomas Jefferson
  • James Madison
  • James Monroe
  • John Quincy Adams
  • Andrew Jackson
  • Martin Van Buren
  • James K. Polk
  • Zachary Taylor
  • Millard Fillmore
  • Franklin Pierce
  • James Buchanan
  • Andrew Johnson
  • Grover Cleveland
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • Harry S. Truman
  • John F. Kennedy
  • Lyndon B. Johnson

Honorable MentionsEdit

Greatests who were denied the opportunity of Executive Privilege.

Rank Nearly President Notes
1. Senator Joe McCarthy A diligent protector of freedom who saw the Commie in us all.
2. Dick Cheney Don't agree? Go f**k yourself!
3. Bill O'Reilly
4. Rush Limbaugh
5. FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover Nearly the greatest cross-dressing President ever!

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