Lawyer
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A lawyer is a person who has to do whatever you say. Lawyers are there to serve you. The only way in which you have to do what they say is you have to pay them lots of money. If you do not, you will probably get sued.
[edit] How Do Lawyers Get To Be Lawyers?
Lawyers attend law school. At law school, they are taught to ignore the common foundations of decency upheld by our society. Over the course of the three years it takes to get a J.D. ("Juris Dickus"), lawyers slowly shed their human upbringing. This occurs through constant forced contact with child molesters, murderers, homosexuals, and other criminals. Lawyers come to see these people as legally and constitutionally correct.
[edit] Who Is Worse: Activist Judges or Lawyers?
Activist judges are ruining this country. Activist judges are not constrained by the law. They are constrained only by their own thoughts, which are usually insane. Judges often get their insane ideas from the lawyers who are paid to represent the insane clients. Lawyers and activist judges are part of the same vicious cycle. Activist judges are probably worse, however; unlike judges, lawyers have no actual power to change the law.
[edit] Do Lawyers Have Any Official Organizations?
Yes. Most lawyers who want to appear upstanding belong to the ABA, which stands for American Botox Association. Contrary to popular opinion, it is lawyers, not wrinkled people, who give the Botox industry most of its business. Botox allows lawyers to refrain from laughing while making their arguments, and enables the "straight faced" phenomenon typically observed in courtrooms. Frequently, lawyers who refuse to use Botox have been banned from the ABA. Under the Lawyers' Rules of (un)Ethical Conduct, laughing while presenting one's arguments is not considered ethical, because this prevents the speedy acceptance of ridiculous legal propositions.
[edit] What Do lawyers Do in Their Free Time?
In their free time, lawyers typically do legal research and write memoranda of law to their family members. Most lawyers who have not been divorced occasionally make eye contact with their family members, although this practice is frowned upon and considered highly controversial. Lawyers also watch pornography with judges. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart has stated of pornography, "I know [and like] it when I see it."
[edit] What Is the Difference between a Lawyer and an Attorney?
An attorney is simply what a lawyer calls himself, to try to hide the fact that he is a lawyer. Contrary to the popular wisdom of the (il)legal community, most people are not fooled by this admittedly clever verbal trick.
As Shakespeare himself stated,
- "that which we call a [lawyer] / By any other name would smell as [sour]."
[edit] What is the difference between a lawyer and the Attorney General of the United States of America?
A lot.
[edit] What Is a Legal Technicality?
A legal technicality is a lawyer's best friend. A legal technicality is an allegedly constitutional mechanism through which a guilty person can be set free.
[edit] Why Are Lawyers Ugly?
Most would-be lawyers who are remotely attractive decide to join the closely related, yet more morally and spiritually rewarding profession of prostitution.
[edit] What the Hell Is It with Lawyers Writing Books?
Many lawyers write books. They obviously do not need to supplement their already ridiculously inflated income, so there must be another reason. Since the literary quality of most lawyer-penned books is seriously wanting, the answers cannot be found in some hidden drive to wash away the grimy coat of lawyerliness in a purifying exfoliation ritual of artistic production. No, that's not it either. The thing with the lawyers and all the book writing probably has to do with some combination of A) the ugliness, B) the impotence and C) the arrogance. These three mixed together are sure to convince any lawyer that he can, and should - nay, must - write a book. Hoo-ha!
[edit] How Many Lawyers Does It Take To ...
- ... screw in a lightbulb?
- How many can you afford?
- What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
- You are in a room with a communist, a terrorist and a lawyer. You have a gun with only two bullets. What do you do?
- Shoot the lawyer twice.
 If you work hard, you'll get ahead as a
Lawyer |
