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Landover Baptist Church

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
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Landover Baptist Church
are Truthiness Crusaders!
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Despite what you may have heard
Landover Baptist Church
Is totally not racist!

Landover Baptist is a Godly-sized church in Freehold, Iowa that adheres to the Bible better than any other church(it adheres to the Bible perfectly)!

Best known for its size and outreach, Landover was one of the first churches in America to have a website and to reverse 90 years of "progressive" thought in America. It is the only heaven-bound Protestant church.

Hallelujah!

Landover's most famous lady is Betty Bowers who is the quintessential American Lady. She has her own website where she posts her interviews with heathens and harlots, so no one has to speak to them.

Church StaffEdit

MinistriesEdit

Bringing Integrity to Christian HomemakersEdit

Baptists Are Saving HomosexualsEdit

Ex Negro MinistriesEdit

Who Jesus Will DamnEdit

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

  • Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51)
  • The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26)
  • Homers (Romans 1:26, 27)
  • Fornicators (Romans 1:29)
  • The Wicked (Romans 1:29)
  • The Covetous (Romans 1:29)
  • The Malicious (Romans 1:29)
  • The Envious (Romans 1:29)
  • Murderers (Romans 1:29)
  • The Deceitful (Romans 1:29)
  • Backbiters (Romans 1:30)
  • Haters of God (Romans 1:30)
  • The Despiteful (Romans 1:30)
  • The Proud (Romans 1:30)
  • Boasters (Romans 1:30)
  • Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30)
  • Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30)
  • Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31)
  • The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31)
  • The Implacable (Romans 1:31)
  • The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9)
  • Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9)
  • Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9)
  • The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9)
  • Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10)
  • Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10)
  • Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10)
  • Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10)
  • The Fearful (Revelation 21:8)
  • The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8)
  • The Abominable (Revelation 21:8)
  • Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8)
  • Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8)
  • All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

What Landover Thinks about the JoosEdit

The same as Wikiality thinks of them

Special OffersEdit

MediaEdit

QuizzesEdit

Prayer To Save An AtheistEdit

Prayer for Atheists

Bow your arrogant, liberal heads and keep your eyes closed because Jesus can see you peeking:

Dear Lord;

I know that I'm a worthless, worthless and a constant source of irritation to You. Thank You for not killing me today and flinging my limp corpse into the flames of the sadistic hell You created.

As a True Christian(tm), I love You with all my heart, convenience permitting.

And am only glad that Your nasty temper was not turned on me today.

Lord Jesus, I know that Your love is unconditional: All you ask is that I do everything that You demand and flatter You regularly without shame or regard to the mess You make of everything You try to create.

Lord Jesus, even though You made some noise about giving away all our possessions away to the poor, please guide Our Republican party to affect that which You most desire: tax cuts for folks rich enough to tithe!

In this I pray Your humble servant, oh, and Jesus, while I still have You, I really want me one of those Lexus two-door sedans.

Amen!

See AlsoEdit

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