Landover Baptist Church

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

Landover Baptist is a Godly-sized church in Freehold, Iowa that adheres to the Bible better than any other church!

Praise!

Best known for its size and outreach, Landover was one of the first churches in America to have a website and to reverse 90 years of "progressive" thought in America. It is the only heaven-bound Protestant church.

Hallelujah!

Landover's most famous lady is Betty Bowers who is the quintessential American Lady. She has her own website where she posts her interviews with heathens and harlots, so no one has to speak to them.

Contents 1 Church Staff 2 Ministries 2.1 Bringing Integrity to Christian Homemakers 2.2 Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals 2.3 Ex Negro Ministries 3 Who Jesus Will Damn 4 What Landover Thinks about the Joos 5 Special Offers 6 Media 7 Quizzes 8 Prayer To Save An Atheist 9 See Also

[edit] Church Staff

• Mrs. Betty Bowers
• Pastor Deacon Fred Smith

[edit] Ministries

[edit] Bringing Integrity to Christian Homemakers

[edit] Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals

[edit] Ex Negro Ministries

[edit] Who Jesus Will Damn

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51) The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26) Homers (Romans 1:26, 27) Fornicators (Romans 1:29) The Wicked (Romans 1:29) The Covetous (Romans 1:29) The Malicious (Romans 1:29) The Envious (Romans 1:29) Murderers (Romans 1:29) The Deceitful (Romans 1:29) Backbiters (Romans 1:30) Haters of God (Romans 1:30) The Despiteful (Romans 1:30) The Proud (Romans 1:30) Boasters (Romans 1:30) Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30) Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30)

Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31) The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31) The Implacable (Romans 1:31) The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9) Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9) Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9) The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9) Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10) Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10) Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10) Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10) The Fearful (Revelation 21:8) The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8) The Abominable (Revelation 21:8) Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8) Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8) All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

[edit] What Landover Thinks about the Joos

The same as Wikiality thinks of them

[edit] Special Offers

• Special Christmas iPod Offer!

• Trade Us Your Voter's Registration Card For Free Fried Chicken From Popeye's! (for African-Americans only)

[edit] Media

• Pastor Deacon Fred Anoints the saved

• The Lords Obsession with Dung

[edit] Quizzes

• The Bible Poop Quiz

[edit] Prayer To Save An Atheist

Prayer for Atheists

Bow your arrogant, liberal heads and keep your eyes closed because Jesus can see you peeking:

Dear Lord;

I know that I'm a worthless, worthless and a constant source of irritation to You. Thank You for not killing me today and flinging my limp corpse into the flames of the sadistic hell You created.

As a True Christian(tm), I love You with all my heart, convenience permitting.

And am only glad that Your nasty temper was not turned on me today.

Lord Jesus, I know that Your love is unconditional: All you ask is that I do everything that You demand and flatter You regularly without shame or regard to the mess You make of everything You try to create.

Lord Jesus, even though You made some noise about giving away all our possessions away to the poor, please guide Our Republican party to affect that which You most desire: tax cuts for folks rich enough to tithe!

In this I pray Your humble servant, oh, and Jesus, while I still have You, I really want me one of those Lexus two-door sedans.

Amen!

[edit] See Also

• Church