Keith Olbermann

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Keith Olbermann
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process

The Baby Satan has a special place in hell for
Keith Olbermann
and YOU just for visiting this internets tube!

Keith Olbermann
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?

Keith Olbermann has earned
the (Senator) Franken COMMUNIST-SOCIALIST-MARXIST SEAL OF APPROVAL

How dare you, sir!

~ Keith Olbermann

All facts, no heart

Anti-American liberal Keith Olbermann tells our great and honorable President George W. Bush to "Shut the fu...er, shut the hell up!"

Keith Olbermann is a pundit who is on the front lines in the War on Truth™. Casualties in the ratings wars have swung wildly from each side of the conflict. The Noble Warriors of Truth stand on one side, while the demonic hordes of darkness, supporting Big Corporations, and undermining the American People. All they care about is making money, and they could care less about the citizens of the United States. Keith Olbermann is constantly engaging these demonic hordes of satanic darkness, locked in galactic battle and is against figures including Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh Glenn Beck.

[edit] Childhood

Went to the private Hackley School in Tarrytown, New York, after psychological testing showed he would never survive public school with his bitchy, effeminate personality.

[edit] Education

A 1979 graduate of Cornell University, where he received a bachelor's degree in milking and bovine management, he spent his years there working at the campus radio station throwing things at the microphone, barely passing enough classes to graduate. His parents got a bargain, spending only $800 dollars per semester, instead of the $10,000 dollars that real Ivy League schools charge.

[edit] Television Career

Worked at KTLA and KCBS in Los Angeles in the late eighties as a sports anchor. Although Keith says he was made an "honorary Angeleno", no one in the Los Angeles area remembers him.

As co-host with Dan Patrick on ESPN's Sports Center from 1992 to 1997, Keith eventually flamed out when he discovered he could not control that show, the entire network and everybody in it. He was fired but pretended like he left of his own accord.

From 1998 to 2001, he was an anchor for Fox Sports Net, a minor subsidiary of FOX that no one watches. Rupert Murdoch fired him when Rupert's psychic told him that one day, Keith Olbermann would become NewsCorp's greatest enemy and drain on its revenues.

In March of 2003, Olbermann was awarded his own show Countdown, after finishing his super-secret radio/television probation. He had somehow managed to stay out of trouble long enough to be given another shot at the Big Time. Now that the Great Patriotic American George W. Bush is no longer president, Keith is waiting for the OK from MSNBC's newest Rock Star, Rachel Maddow, to begin a long-overdue retooling of his show for the Obama presidency. "Rache" thinks he isn't diverse or cool enough.

[edit] Appearance On The Report

Olbermann getting nailed by Colbert.

Stephen Colbert interviewed (and was victorious over) Keith Olbermann on the March 14, 2006 edition of The Colbert Report. Olbermann was nailed by Stephen as a secret agent for Hillary Clinton.

[edit] Keith Olbermann Freedom Factoids

Olbermann with a really bad disguise.

Has a funny, Germanic sounding name, but is Not a Jew.
Keith Olbermann is going to hell.
Keith Olbermann hates America.
Keith Olbermann has never let facts get in his way when it comes to bashing America.
Keith Olbermann is a gutless traitor.
Keith is so crazy, he saves his own urine^{Episode #468}
- he is hoping to force Bill O'Reilly to drink it
Ads for Cialisduring Keith Olbermann's show, Countdown, prove that he has erectile dysfunction.
Was going to light his news copy on fire at the end of every episode of Countdown, but producers convinced him it would be better to crumple one piece and throw it at the camera instead.
Has been known to watch porn movies on Showtime after arriving home from work at 1 am.
Hates CNN's Anderson Cooper. Thinks marketing experiments should only be done on things you can eat and drink.
No longer allows staffers to post comments at the Newshole Blog, because all the comments do not flatter Keith's Ego.
For reasons which no sane person can understand, Keith Olbermann hates Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly and never passes on a chance to humiliate this great American.
His nickname is "elements at NBC".
While trying to pick up a cute girl in a bar, Keith Olbermann had her stolen from him by fellow sports broadcaster, Chris Berman. Berman walked by and said to the girl, "You're with me, Leather." The girl promptly got up and left with Berman.
Keith Olbermann hates Chris Berman and frequently talks shit about him during his ESPN broadcast.
Keith Olbermann has been viciously attacked and head-butted by FOX pit bull and real American, Irena Briganti.
Keith Olbermann makes God very angry and will be smote as soon as is convenient.
Keith Olbermann's program is called Countdown. This must not be confused with "The Threat Down" on Stephen Colbert's far superior program.

Log Cabin Republicans

Fired by ESPN for being a dickhead.
Keith Olbermann forced to broadcast his part of The Dan Patrick Show from ABC studios in New York, because he was banned from setting foot on ESPN's campus in Bristol, Connecticut forever.
Keith Olbermann is being stalked by Log Cabin Republican Robert Cox, self-proclaimed head of the Media Bloggers Association. Cox has the hots for Olbermann and can't think of a better way to get his attention.
Cox's website, Olbermannwatch.com, was founded by him and funded by Fox News to expose Keith Olbermann's extreme liberalness and anti-American agenda.
On February 12, 2007, against the wishes of all patriotic Americans, Keith Olbermann's contract was renewed for four years by MSNBC, the ultra-liberal spinoff of NBC.
On March 1, 2007, Olbermannwatch.com was closed down after inadvertently increasing, rather than detracting from Countdown's ratings. But in response to numerous e-mails by patriotic, albeit knuckle-dragging, supporters, Olbermannwatch.com reopened on March 9th, 2007.
Unfashionably late for Tim Russert's memorial service because he missed the train from New York to Washington, DC, while he had staffers running around trying to find ketchup for his fries.
Kicked off the MSNBC anchor desk along with co-anchor Chris Matthews after the Democratic National Convention in Denver for fighting with Matthews and fellow pundit Joe Scarborough. Immediately prior to his altercation with Scarborough, he had ordered Joe to "get a shovel". Olbermann denies he said that because he thought Scarborough was ~~spewing horseshit~~ uttering half-truths and obfuscations, but because he expected a fire to break out on Scarborough's face, and wanted a shovel to put it out.
Refused to anchor at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul because he feared elements from FOX News would have him kidnapped and sent to Gitmo.
Had reporter Andrea Mitchell buried by 10,000 red, white & blue balloons while she was attempting to report from the RNC, so she would not take too much of his camera time.