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Johann Gutenberg

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Johann Gutenberg was an unfortunate, deluded soul who believed that God wanted him to make the Bible more accessible to the common man. So Johann invented a kind of magical machine called a "printing press" with "moveable type" which he used to print Bibles in the first process of bible mass production. Even more unfortunately, Goofy Gutenberg's machine led to the printing and distribution of many more (sinful) kinds of books.


Where Johann went wrong in the first place was in forgetting that God prefers having an intercessor between his word and the masses. Obviously, your everyday schlub-on-the-street is not capable of determining what God wants without the interpretative skills of a priest (especially the priest) to tell them what God demands. Gutenberg printed a Bible that anyone could read, taking it out of the private libraries of the rich and powerful and assuring that it could be transcribed in plain print rather than only in the rarefied hand of an illuminating cleric. But he forgot to account for the fact that most people are stupid, and that reading is boring (especially the Bible!). So he missed the main point of the Bible anyway, which is precisely that most of us prefer to have our religion do our "reading" and thinking for us.

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