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Sheriff Joe Arpaio

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WonkyEarPub08
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
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Klansman
Despite what you may have heard
Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Is totally not racist!
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio (aka Sledge Hammer)
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Joe Arpaio, Americas toughest Sheriff, is the sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona.

April 20, 2009 NailingEdit

EmmyAwardWinningTCR2
  • known as America's toughest sheriff, but can he teach Opie to be a man?
  • Dr. Colbert has respect for any man who wears a .45 caliber tie clip
    • might be loaded
  • famous for not taking any guff from his prisoners
    • instituted chain gangs for both male and female prisoners
    • makes them wear pink underwear (so they don't steal them and resell them)
    • banned smoking, coffee, movies, pornography, unrestricted TV
    • feed the inmates twice a day with meals costing no more than 15 and 20 cents
    • has a posse of 3,000
  • knowing all of this, Dr. Colbert asks why there are people outside picketing The Eagle's Nest?
    • people were chanting things about Joe The Sheriff
      • many things rhyme with Arpaio
  • he has been accused of abusing his power
  • focuses to much on illegal immigration
    • to the detriment of other law enforcement
  • Joe the Sheriff says they're liars and their accusations are a cop out
    • and that he locks up everybody who commits a crime
      • which is why Dr. Colbert has him on the show tonight (he doesn't trust some in his Mob)
  • he doesn't profile
    • he can discern people are Hispanicness without using his eyeballs
  • he won't show his ID to Stephen
    • his parents came to America illegally from Italy
  • has 160 deputies
    • received 5 weeks of trained by federal government agencies (ICE, Immigration and Customs)
    • any person committing a crime they come across they pursue immigration status as well (according to their "training")
  • Dr. Colbert asks Joe The Sheriff what behavior he would have to exhibit in order to be suspected of being an illegal immigrant
    • Joe The Sheriff lists a few:
      • speeding
      • cracked window
      • DUI
    • doesn't ask suspects for ID unless they're already committed a crime
  • he doesn't just throw people in jail without also asking for ID
    • he took an oath to enforce all laws and abide by the Constitution
    • he follows all the laws including Habeas Corpus
  • Joe The Sheriff favors a border wall
    • Stephen wants one with a flaming pit of alligators as well
    • Mexico may have ladder technology
  • was regional director of Mexico
  • still won't show his I.D.
    • is carrying a weapon--which might be loaded--giving Sheriff Stephen probable cause to take him in
  • Dr. Colbert suggests the wall be made out of jails
    • when they try to jump over, they fall right in, and you lock the door

Joe Arpaio Glorious AchivementsEdit

Maricopa County Sheriff's employee takes documents from defense attorney(09:54)
Joe Arpaio’s office rescues a document
from an evil lawyer

External TubesEdit

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