James Garfield

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

James Garfield, the Cat
Male	Cat
1831-	1881
Birthplace	Ohio
Religion	The Sun God Ra
Education	Kentucky Wildcat
Hobbies	Eating lasagna, sleeping, tricking Odie, watching TV
Arch Nemesis	Odie
Super Powers	Capable of finishing the never ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden
Little Known Fact	Has sired 45 kittens
Pans of Lasagna Eaten	781
Bears Killed	0, is a lover of his teddy bear Pooky

James Garfield was the first and only cat to ever be elected to the presidency. While serving, his owner, Jon Arbuckle made most of the decisions. Garfield was also fond of lasagna. In fact, he ate himself to death, having sudden cardiac arrest caused by fatty blockages in his arteries created by carbohydrate intake. No, that's actually liberal nonsense. The truth is that God sent a blood clot to kill him the way he did with Ariel Sharon.

Garfield was also a bear lover, and therefore an enemy of freedom.