Hugo Chavez
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
Hugo Chavez, also known as Admiral Chavez or Pork Rind, is the tyrannical communist dictator of the Venezuelan Banana Boat Navy, whose lust for power has enabled him to take over Peru as well.
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[edit] Rise To Power
Chavez was "elected" under some ridiculous third-world voting system, where the poll booths in low-income wards were easy to find and their votes counted toward the final result. He has systematically reduced the power of Venezuela's democracy-loving opposition, including the generals who overthrew him in 2002 and tried to abolish the country's constitution. *Note: Next Section
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[edit] Hate America Firster Agenda
Chavez has made no secret of his hatred for The Greatest Country Ever. It's clear he's either jealous of America's power or of George W. Bush's charisma, intellect and trim figure. The latter is more likely considering Hugo's "husky" build.
Recently in an address to the U.N. (or Union of Nazis - that's two great evils right there!), Chavez claimed that the Devil had been present at the Assembly the previous day, and that the area still smelled of sulfur. Some believe he was referring to The Greatest President Ever, although it's just as likely he was confused over his own schedule, possibly while hopped up on drugs, radical socialism, or both.
| The devil came here yesterday, he came here talking as if he were the owner of the world. | 
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Just as shockingly, the book that he advertised in his speech at the U.N. is still #1 on Amazon.com, defeating the book Stephen Colbert showed on the Colbert Report the previous night. Who's the devil now, Chavez?
Comrade Chavez has even suggested the Americans encouraged the coup against him. What a riot! This clearly shows his true colors. Everyone knows the United States would never interfere with another country's political autonomy, no matter how much we despise it.
A man not worthy of ignorance.
[edit] Why Hugo Hates America
There are many reasons why Pork Rind hates America. Of course, none of them are valid.
- He yearns for junk food from America's favorite restaurant chain
- He is jealous of America's drop-dead gorgeous hot babes
- He doesn't understand the concept of Democracy
