Howard Cosell

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Howard Cosell
won a 2009 "Truthie"
for Best Biography of 2009
See all the winners here.

Howard Cosell
Was an Enemy of Satan and a Pinnacle of Freedom here on earth.
Sadly, Howard Cosell has moved to The Baby Jesus's Secret Island Home
in Heaven to continue the fight by his side. Be scared Satan!

Howard Cosell
is a Truthiness Crusader!

Howard Cosell
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!

Cosell si cover

The One And Only
March 25, 1918 - April 23, 1995

Truthiness pioneer and crusader "Humble Howard Cosell changed forever the way Americans watch sports.

Cosell leg

Short In Stature...
While Cosell was only 18 inches tall, his "Gift of Truthiness" made him a giant in sports broadcasting.

Howard William Cosell March 25, 1918 - April 23, 1995 AKA "Humble" Howard Cosell was a Jew Real American who brought Truthiness to sports broadcasting. He is was the world's most obnoxius TV personality until the 21st century brought us Asshole Shows and real assholes like Simon Cowell.


All Time Best HowardismEdit

Cosell ali toupee

Truthiness Hair Style
Cassius Clay Muhammed Ali, like a good monkey black friend grooms Howard's truthy hair (which is certainly not a toupee).

  • As recently discovered, it was not Alvin Garrett that Howard Cosell said "Look at that little monkey run" about. It turns out that the player Cosell was actually referring to was another Washington Redskins player named Herb Mul-Key as he was doing his voice-over play recaps during Halftime Highlights on ABC Monday Night Football in 1973. The play in question was Mul-Keys 97-yard kickoff return for a touchdown against the St. Louis Cardinals on Sunday, September 23, 1973.
  • In the Sunday game, two 97-yard kickoff returns for touchdowns were made back-to-back, one by Don Shy of the Cardinals, followed by Redskins wide-receiver and kickoff return specialist Herb Mul-Key. The 97-yard kickoff return took place in the regular season Sunday game between the Redskins and Cardinals, but the Cosell comment wasn't made until the next evening during the Halftime Highlights segment of the Monday Night Football game between the New Orleans Saints and Dallas Cowboys on September 24, 1973.
  • The Alvin Garrett comment came almost exactly ten years later, on September 5th, 1983 during live play action of the Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins game, when Howard Cosell made his most memorable reference to Redskins player Alvin Garrett, saying "Joe Gibbs wanted that kid, and that little monkey gets loose doesn't he."
  • Until Mul-Key's name was uncovered, both comments were inaccurately associated with Alvin Garrett. After all these years, the name Herb Mul-Key has come to light, correcting the long-standing controversy of who Howard Cosell was referring to when he said "Look at that little monkey run." This was factually researched by a Redskins historian who created a website that provides the factual details of the comment.
  • There is a Redskins video clip on Youtube entitled "Washington Redskins (1972 - 1973)" that includes Mul-Key's 97-yard return at the end.
  • see

Runners UpEdit

  • "[O. J. has] an uncanny instinct for sensing when to make the move, when to make the cut. He can kill you with a headfake, he can kill you with the swiftness of his legs and the ability to be in a direction at any single second. He also kills you with his variation of speed..." (on some of the ways O. J. Simpson can kill)
  • "Mommy, why does daddy cuss the TV and call it Howard?
  • "Ladies and Gentleman, the Bronx is burning."

Honorable MentionEdit

Agony of defeat

Agony of Defeat
Always a Truthiness Crusader, Cosell was immortalized in the opening sequence of ABC's Wide World of Sports.

  • "I'm telling it like it is."
  • (While announcing a Monday Night Football game) "Films from tonight's game should be taken to schools all across the country as an example of a study in futility."
  • "After all, is football a game or a religion?"
  • "I was right to back invent Muhammad Ali, but it caused me major enmity in many areas of this nation."
  • "Sports is human life in microcosm."
  • "Sports is the toy department of human life."
  • "The importance that our society attaches to sport is incredible. After all, is football a game or a religion? The people of this country have allowed sports to get completely out of hand."
  • "What's right isn't always popular. What's popular isn't always right."


  • The phrase, "Brain in neutral, mouth in gear." was created to decribe Cosell.
  • Trying out Gonzo Journalism for his first time, was the skier that ate shit in the beginning credits of ABC's Wide World of Sports.
  • Invented Boxing
  • Invented Cassius Clay Muhammed Ali.
  • Invented George Foreman and his grill.
  • Won 17 Olympic Gold Medals for Tonsorial Bombasticity.
  • Taught Don King how to speak real American.
  • Invented Brevitruthiness with Don King and Stephen Colbert at The Rumble in the Jungle."
  • Invented Monday Night Football
  • Caused the invention of Politically Correctness.

See AlsoEdit

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