Guam
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
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See Also: |
The "Great" Protectorate of GUAM 
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| Capitol: | Guamtopaless |
| State Flower: | Bouganvilla |
| Official Language: | Chamorro and English |
| State Bird: | Cocoa Bird |
| State Motto: | Malagamumu |
| Nickname: | Chamorros |
| Governor: | Felix Camacho |
| State Anthem: | Where America's Day Begins |
| Population: | Between 60,000 - 100,000 |
| Standard MPH: | 36.284372891043853ish |
| Principal imports: | Bananas and banana flavored items |
| Principal exports: | Beetle Nut |
| Principal industries: | Not Made In Taiwan Co. |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Killed Half of Ferdinand Magellans crew. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Actually has a working democratic goverment and not a dictatorship or a psycho leader like Kim Jong Il. |
Contents |
[edit] Discovery
Guam was discovered by Indo Malaysian fishers who created a genious Kayak called the
[edit] History
In 1521, explorer Ferdinand Magellan landed on Guam and was welcomed with food and drink. When the islanders demanded payment for the food and drink, Magellan dubbed the area the Island of Thieves. And then he got that ass whooped.
[edit] Achieving Protectorate-hood
Guam welcomes haole's to the island because you're stupid enough to buy a shirt that says Guam on it for $50 bucks so you can tell your relatives that you've been to a tropical island.
[edit] Better Known
Guam was Better Known by Stephen Colbert on the April 26, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report as part 2 of the 4 part series Better Know A Protectorate.
[edit] Guam Today
Many people in Guam suffer from the unusual condition of achromatism, the inability to see color, not unlike Dr. Stephen Colbert. This has fueled specualation that the Dr.'s semen, Formula 402, has been purchased in mass quantities by his followers in the Colbert Nation to produce a master race.
The locals merrily work in sweatshops to produce cheap goods for the US and Japan.
1/4 of Guam is comprised of US military bases, our first line of protection against Nauru.
Tourism is Guam's biggest industry, and a favorite vacation spot is The Sandcastle Resort, currently showing "Steve Wheeler's Magic on Ice", an extravaganza of magic and figure skating. You have not lived until you've seen a woman sawed in half while doing the triple lutz.
[edit] Issues
The island is currently plagued with an infestation of brown tree snakes. The favorite hiding place of these snakes is inside cans of nuts. This is especially problematic for people in need of a snack.
A recurring plague of Guamania periodically causes serious concern amongst the populace. Currently, the only cure for Guamania is to eat a very delicious Chamorro.
[edit] Guam Landmarks
Guam is home to Pacific Islands Bible College, Bansai Cliff and the WWII Memorial to the Battle of Guam.
[edit] Guamese? Guamites? Guamoids? Guamibears?
All four terms are applicable to describe the residents of Guam. The indigenous peoples are called chalupans.
[edit] Famous People from Guam
[edit] A Typical Day in Guam
Sunny and tropical weather along with great food and awesome people.
We don't need to hunt brown tree snakes because your wife does that for us.
