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Baby Jesus
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Gila Monster
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
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CONGRATULATIONS! By visiting
"Gila Monster"
you have been touched in a very special way.
Gila monster spit

Wilford Brimley can't wait to ride this descendent of the Jesus Horse!


The Gila Monster is not a monster at all, but living proof of God's intelligent design for all life on America's Planet. For just as the Bible tells us, He sends help to His children from lo, the most unexpected places. In this case, "help" means a new drug for treating The Diabetes, and "unexpected places" means the sweet, sweet spit that shoots from the wretched jaws of this desert demon.


Glory and Praise to BioTechEdit

In the only kind of science worth doing, researchers have recently completed a three year test of the drug Byetta. This pharmaceutical intervention derives from God's grace, as He has generously allowed the erstwhile poisonous venom of the gila monster to be chemically synthesized into a new treatment for insulin-resistant diabetes. Praise Him! In His divine wisdom, God also led the pharmaceutical companies Eli Lily and Amylin, who will jointly manufacture Byetta, to take on themselves the full cost of sponsoring the research and development of this miracle, all in the spirit of Christian charity and beneficence toward their fellow men.

Extra Added BonusEdit

The All-New Miracle Gila Monster Spit Drug also helped the patients in the three year longitudinal study shed pounds. While this is certainly beneficial for the diabetic audience for whom the drug is intended, it in no way means that Byetta will be the next miracle weight loss drug. It would be incredibly irresponsible to suggest that Byetta will help anyone lose weight. There is no evidence to suggest that this is the case. At this point, all the science is not in, and no one involved with the testing, manufacture, or distribution of the drug would encourage you to Ask your Doctor if Byetta is right for you.


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