Georgia

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Georgia
is a Recognized State of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.

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Georgia
Capital:	The Left Half of Paula Deen
State Flower:	Peanut
Official Language:	American, Hillbilly
State Bird:	Peach Vulture
State Motto:	"I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig. Suuuuu-weeeeeeee! You sure do got a purty mouth!"
Nickname:	The Scorched Earth state
Governor:	Mikheil Saakashvili
State Anthem:	'Georgia' (The Ray Charles version)
Population:	8.5 million
Standard MPH:	142 klicks per metric hour
Principal imports:	General Sherman and scorched earth
Principal exports:	Not Peaches^[1]
Principal industries:	Rebuilding Atlanta
Fun Fact # 1:	General Sherman burned Atlanta to the ground so that they would no longer produce inferior peaches.
Fun Fact # 2:	Georgia voted overwhelmingly for Ronald Reagan, then increased their support for Bush from 41% in 2000 43% in 2004, showing they recognized his greatestness.
Fun Fact # 3:	Has the Largest Underwater Fish Torture Chamber.

Georgia is on Florida like white on rice.

[edit] Georgia's Views

Acording to the internets Georgians do not feel that they are part of The United States, but rather a country in their own right. They believe that Georgia is located in the former Soviet Union and not a democracy, but rather a republic, with its capital in some shithole called Tblisi. The state also claims to be the "Peach State", but really, the truthiness of the matter is that, when it comes to peaches, South Carolina kicks Georgia's ass

[edit] Discovery

Georgia was found by James Edward Oglethorpe, who was British and would have corrected anyone who used the word "founded."

Georgia was useful as a "buffer colony" between the Spanish in Florida and the Americans in South Carolina.

Several Revolutionary War battles were fought in Georgia, some by Georgians. The most famous of these was "The Battle of Bloody Marsh," which happened in a marsh that the British really didn't like, thus they called it "bloody," which is a bad word to them.

After the Revolution, Georgia began preparing to enjoy the Civil War, which would produce the Confederate Flag, poor race relations, and --ultimately-- NASCAR.

In the twentieth century, Georgia became known as the Empire State of the South, thanks to a very smooth marketing campaign conducted by a New York company. The state continues to attract those who oppose labor unions, don't understand figurative language, and consider Budweiser to be beer.

[edit] American Georgia Landmarks

There are five major landmarks in the state of Georgia.

Stone Mountain, the world's largest exposed piece of granite.

The Gold Dome. This is the state capitol building, the dome of which is covered in gold that was brought from the nation's first Gold Rush.

Dahlonega, site of the nation's first gold rush.

Bell Acres Resort, a nudist park located near Maysville, Georgia. Colbert is rumored to be a frequent guest, as are his fangirls.

[edit] Famous American Georgians

Famous Georgians include:

Jimmy Carter - he may be a Democrat, but he's still cool in my book
Clarence Thomas - Stands behind our President
Officer Don Kennedy
Bill Tush
John Lewis - Congressman
Monica Kaufman
Scott Slade

[edit] Georgia Culture

Good dog! Good dog!

Georgia's greatest cultural contribution had gone virtually unnoticed until earlier this year when the media accidentally discovered that a professional athlete had been arrested.

Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was arrested and charged with dog-fighting in another less culturally advanced state.

In Georgia, dog fighting is considered high art. Despite rumors of brutality, the sport is actually one of great challenge. In it, a man strips down to his underwear and is smeared with bacon fat. He then climbs into a cage with a dog that weighs at least one half of his own weight. The dog, having had its food withheld for three days, attempts to eat the man while the man attempts to pin the dog to the ground for a ten-count.

The term "man" is not meant to imply that the state would, in some backward, redneck way, limit the sport to males. The game is open to bitches!

[edit] Driving in Georgia

In 1843, I-20 was extended into and through Atlanta, bringing the total to 17 interstates that pass through the greater metro area today. At least 80% of residents drive on at least 3 interstates during their daily commutes. The average speed across I-75/85 (also known as the Downtown Connector) is approximately 90 mph during periods of light traffic, and 20 mph during the other 22 hours each day. Truckers generally avoid the downtown area using the perimeter interstate, I-285. At least three additional concentric interstates are proposed to lessen traffic on I-285: I-285 Extreme, the I-285 Super Loop, and I-285 EFB (Elderly Floridian Bypass). The EFB will have a speed limit of 40 mph that will be strictly enforced unless driving an SUV weighing over 4 tons.

When driving in downtown Atlanta, it is suggested that tourists and other visitors hire a local off the street to avoid driving unaided. One-way streets and the many Peachtree-named roads routinely lead GPS-based drivers into sink holes, across non-existent bridges, and to shady music venues.

After major events, Atlanta Police will block random roads and force you to turn in directions opposite your intended destination. This is not meant to make your drive excessively roundabout, but is rather a way to guarantee that less-used roads are evenly eroded. It also serves as a good time to test your GPS's ability to recalculate on the fly. If your GPS says "No, you idiot, I said turn right!", simply reply "The cop made me turn left!" and that should shut it up.

[edit] Air Travel

All air travel in Atlanta flows through the world's largest airport, Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Young King Memorial International Airport (ATL). When arriving via an international flight, be sure to pack at least two meals to consume while waiting for customs. The airport management realizes that security checks are the best part of any post-9/11 flight, and as such will require you to go through an additional security check (complete with shoe removal) after you proceed through customs. If driving to pick up a passenger, a full tank of gas is suggested as vehicles are not allowed to stop at the curb and there is no vehicle waiting area, so you will be circling for hours if your friend's flight is late. This is a good opportunity to test your car's blind spots as you merge during each loop.

[edit] A Typical Day In Georgia

[edit] Strange Laws in Georgia

Believe it or not, it is still a law on the legal books of Georgia that requires all white males to carry a shot gun with them (ammo included of course) to their places of worship on Sundays. This is because during its earlier days as a state, the indians living on the frontier realized that on a particular day of the week, the white man liked to gather in this one particular building that was conveniently very flammable. While this is no longer the case, any attempt to revoke the law will result in the righteous indignation of a bunch of religious gun toting rednecks.