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Gay Bears are a hybridization between the bear population and gay men. The Gay Bear breeding program was initiated in 1968. It was a joint venture between the Pro-Bear Lobby and the growing tide of homosexual men. While the Lobby and the Gay Bears, or GB's, often work in conjunction with each other to overturn and subvert America's goals of freedom for everyone who isn't gay, a bear, or a gay bear, they are their own entities that function autonomously from one another.
The GB agenda consists of not only overthrowing American culture as we know it, but humanity as well. To this end, the GB's have enlisted the help of Gaylamofascists to help attain their dream of an America where males can practice their iniquities not only in their dens, but at your son's Baptism. Is that what you want? Do you want your little boy around these vicious animals after he's been cleansed of sin? That's like a steak dinner to that crowd. If they have to side with Pizzly's like they did in the movie Bears in a Submarine, they will do ANYTHING to get what they want.
Gay Bears have insidiously forced their way into almost all levels of society, but unfortunately they aren't as easy to spot as your average gay. Do not look for the telltale swishy walk, neckerchiefs or waxed and exfoliated skin of regular gay men. Be on your guard for men who at first glance could pass for normal God loving (but not in a gay way) guys. They will be hairy and may be wearing either denim or leather. When they look at you, you will feel their eyes boring into your soul, owning you, making you theirs even if it's for the few seconds they have you locked into their deadlights. Gay Bears could be your Uncle Bill who lives alone and hasn't ever been married or they could be the guy standing next to you in the gym locker room asking you how well defined his ass looks. Yeah, it may look round and firm, and yeah, you could feast off it for days or even for a breakfast snack, like a Sunkist orange where you want to peel off that layer of underwear to get to the lush and ripe goodness that is their ass-fruit, but don't say that. You can't give compliments like that to Gay Bears as you would a straight guy because that sort of talk gets them excited for some reason.
Gay Bears can appear in all walks of life. Below are examples to help you to easily identify Gay Bears in the wild.
Gay Bear Marriage
It was recently reported that the Augusta, Maine city hall issued 13 marriage licenses to gay bear couples. The Governor of Maine has stepped in and made the determination that these licenses are null and void. "Gay bear marriage is, has been and always will be illegal and a crime against nature" said Governor John Baldacci (R) who may actually be a closet gay bear himself. Riots broke out in Augusta shortly after the comments were released. Crowd control was brought in and several Care Bears and a very well known Paddington bear were taken into police custody after being unjustly maced for disorderly conduct. The Care Bears were also charged for public nudity. A rainbow does not constitute a shirt in any other jurisdiction than Vermont.