French-Canadians
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!
A group of foul smelling, bearded, lumberjacking, poutine eating, syrup sucking, seal clubbing, plaid wearing, igloo dwelling canadians who are able but just don't want to speak english
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[edit] History of the French-Canadians
There are many theories on how such an unholy union between the French and the Canadians was created, but what is known is that they are lumberjacks. And possibly evil.
- One possible theory involves a Canadian, drunk off of maple syrup and hockey, went out for his usual evening mating fun with the local bears. But on his way, he stumbled across a group of the French, hiding cowardly from a war...or a poutine...or something and the French-Canadian was born.
- Another theory contends that Colonial settlers had accidentally sailed to Canada on route to America seeing a settlement they approached but it was a French settlement who immediately surrendered the entire country to the wayward colonists. Naively they took the country which they did not know was forsaken by God and bear ridden. They then placed all the french in the area now known as Quebec. Unfortunately they were corrupted by the french which is why the settlers did not join America.
French Canadians now abound in Canada
[edit] Payback to the French-Canadians for being French-Canadian
Canada's Phone Number:
1-800-O-CANADA (1-800-622-6232)
Call them and pull the following prank call: YOU: Your cat is on my fence. CANADA: I don't have a cat. YOU: Well, I don't have a fence.
Then hang up. Let's get the entire nation prank calling Canada until it gets a cat!
[edit] French-Canadian Trivia
- Due to their enormous size and inability to handle a razor, the women are often mistaken for bears
- They will be the last people to be conquered during the great bear uprising of 2012.
- French Canadians are decended from a group of women sent to the New World from France, known as the "filles du roi" some of whom were "actresses." Clearly, even from an early stage, France was trying to pass off its insidious, permissive culture on America. Sadly, it succeeded in this regard in America. Somehow Canadians ended up with just the bears.
- Not to be confused with the French, their language is 100% different and unintelligible. In fact, it's called joual and very easy to learn.
Example:
If you see a cute Quebecer girl, it is proper joual to say:
-Crisse de salope (Creess-duh-sal-op) which means: You have wonderful eyes
-Ostie de tarbarnak de conne (O-stee-duh-ta-bar-nak-duh-con) which means : Your beauty is incomparable
-C'est combien pour une pipe? (say-con-bien-poor-un-peep) which means :Is it me, or is this room lit by your very presence?
- French-Canadians are also known to have received enlightenment from the states below them (geographically) and risen up to the dictatorship of a 4 o'clock tea-time; thus igniting a to-be-finished fight between them and bear-loving Canadian Englishmen.
