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French-American War

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In this "war", the French gave up to us after two days of fighting on July 4th, 1776. The French got scared and ran away to Canada, when they realized they were fighting George Washington, "a great President" or "the greatest President ever", who was also a military genius and bear-hater.

After the "war", the French spread evil lies about our "King" George, saying he had slaves, cut down trees (at the time cutting down trees was apparently considered bad), had fake teeth, and wore a whig over his stubbly lice-filled hair.

The French spread these lies by the "main stream media". At that time, the media literally had to go down the main stream to the nearest outpost in order to spread their lies.

Many historians would argue that many of these things the French said were true. Of course, historians will argue about anything. Two things:The French didn't check the facts before spreading these vile rumors. And secondly, Historians who say these things are pink, Pluto-hating, Barbra Streisand worshiping, commies, anyway.

Addendum:The first two historians to compile the information upon which the above article is founded, Gale and Joan Evers, no-relation, did enjoy a long  and pleasant period as pen pals.  Their correspondence may be found at the Library of Congress.  Further note:  Word is out that NPR story corp is planning an on-air reenactment of the most intriguing letters.  Stay tuned.

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