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Fox News Channel

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"Fox News Channel"
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Fox News Channel

FOX
Full Network Name	Fox Broadcasting
Transmission	TV Broadcast
Year Founded	(One day after Rupert Murdoch became a US Citizen)
Corporate Owner	News Corp.
C.E.O.	The Holy Ghost
Types of Programs	various, all of them Fair and Balanced
Sister Networks	Fox Sports Fox News Channel Fox OmniNet Red State Network
Most Popular Programs	The Simpsons Morning Bimbos Scantily-clad 'Teenagers' of The O.C.
Most Popular Celebrities	Rush Limbaugh
Slogan	'We Scream, You Obey'

Fox Veritas Vita

~ Fox News

Our Glorious Official Republican News Network, or simply Fox News, is a cable TV News network that "gets it right" and more importantly, "gets it right-winged". They decide and you report what they decide. Thanks to their fair and balanced^TM reporting, America at long last feels the truth.

Fox is known in the industry as the "Hustler of Cable News Networks". Fox News originates compelling journalism that exposes the horrors that are whittling away at our way of life, from such groundbreaking stories such as "Who took the CHRIST out of CHRISTmas?" (an expose on the War On Christmas) to "Watch Out Below!" (an expose on the dangers of people dropping things on you from great heights).

Because they represent the opinion of America (which is always right), Fox is the most trusted name in news. Fox News has many critics, but most of them are likely bears or believe the Pro-Bear propaganda spread via CNN, MSNBC, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, PBS News, BBC News, Sky News, MTV News and anyone else who wastes our time with "news".

Fox is home to one of Our Glorious Stephen's greatest idols — no, not Sean Hannity, but good guess — Papa Bear himself, Bill O'Reilly. Stephen fulfilled a lifelong dream when, on January 18, 2007, not only did he appear on The O'Reilly Factor, but Papa Bear also gave Stephen the honor of hosting him on The Colbert Report on the same night.

Some claim Fox is biased towards the right, but they are totally Fair and Balanced.^TM For instance, there was that one time they let Alan Colmes speak for almost two full minutes!

HistoryEdit

Founder: Jesus H. Christ

Current Slogan: Holy Fox!

List of Former Slogans: Let's Fox it up, Go Fox yourself, Fox damn, America Fox yeah, Get Mind-Fox'd, It's the Fox'n Truth, We're Fox'n Great, Let's rock out with our Fox out

Mission Statement: "Let's get the Earth to be less Jewy around here."

Fox News was founded to fight cave-terrorists and report fair and balanced^TM news to the non-evolving human race. They played a major part in World War II, as they alone defeated Hitler with their powers of fair and balancedness.

An ongoing example of Fox News' truthiness and balanced reporting was evident during the glorious years of the administration of George W. Bush (the first real intellectual - but not in a faggy, liberal way - to sit in the Whitehouse since Ronald Reagan turned the presidency into Alzheimer's disease therapy). Whenever the liberal, bear-inspired media insisted upon focusing on war casualties, the deteriorating economy, encroachments on Constitutionally guaranteed freedoms, or the Vice-President accidentally gunning down hunting partners then hooking down a few drinks before agreeing to talk to the sheriff the next day, only Fox News would take the time to devote twenty-three and a half hour, seven days per week segments on the important issue of the day: what rich, white girl was missing or murdered by what swarthy alleged (obviously guilty) assailants (who were always most likely progressives).

However, even fair and balanced has its limits. Only Fox, as a network owned by a Saudi Prince and an Australian, was patriotic enough to take ~~Saint~~ President Bush's lead and run with the term "homicide bomber," as opposed to the commonly and accurately used liberal term "suicide bomber" even though it is only logical that anyone who sets a bomb that kills people is committing homicide, but only a percentage of such persons intentionally kill themselves in the process.

Some founding thoughts from Fox directors: "Joseph Goebbels wasn't all that bad, he was just misunderstood....... we love Chicken(hawks)"......... "Texas is the Neo-Rome and we think that!...... and so should you!".......... "All we want is to get it ~~Reich~~ Right".

ProgramsEdit

It would be a mistake to consider what Fox News does as programming; Rather, it is an awakening of America to the truth of our Lord and Saviour (George W. Bush and Jesus H. Christ, respectively).

"Hello, America? Can't you hear the terrorists are at your doorstep and ready to attack your children?" Well, if you cannot then you need to be reminded of this constantly through fair and balanced^TM reporting of terrorism alerts from the Department of Homeland Security and the Minute Man Brigade.

Some programs to help guide America include:

Bill O'Reilly's Just Shut Yer Feminist Trap
Hannity making Colmes his bitch
Manufacturing Fear in the Heartland
American Oil in China: What to do?
Equivocation Schmivocation
Who Wants to Be a Cadaver?

Survivor Holocaust: The GameEdit

Fox News is funding a new awesome game show that is already attracting the attention of the joowish community. They say it is the most sickest and awesomest show on America.

News CelebritiesEdit

Alleged "Controversies"Edit

Fox gave one of its excellent news programs the title: The Cost of Freedom. Some have said that they are applying subversive liberal media techniques to suggest that freedom is anything but pure profit.

CAUTION
Like Iraq, this page is UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
And also, like Iraq, may always be under construction.
Thank you for your patience, and children.

Fox News Channel
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

Fox AnomaliesEdit

There is a Mystery as to why Fox has allowed this "Shepard Smith" to be part of the Fox Family. Who is "Shepard Smith" you ask? Nobody, so dont ask about it!

BroadsEdit

Some people say that Fox hires only chicks that look like porn stars. As if there's something wrong with that!

There's nothing wrong with strict auditions. Fox has standards and holds tightly to them. Real tight.

Tight and firm.

LAPD Jetpack Story: More Government Waste!Edit

For the price of a $100,000 you can have your own

Fox News recently broke a story that involves the LAPD was wasting tax payers money in the billions of dollars. They wanted to replace their copters with 100,000 jetpacks (one jetpack per cop!). Imagine, an army of flying cops watching over us!

But it soon became a disappointment when Fox News learned that the story was ~~from the Weekly World News~~ a libural fabrication to humiliate Fox News. Shame on you liburals!

Fox News Reports Roosevelt Invasion FiascoEdit

"Well, we're getting reports from the German News Service that the Allies are landing in France, but the Pentagon isn't confirming. Just what's going on here?"

"It seems like mass confusion at the Pentagon today, I mean, are we invading or aren't we?"

"Well, we all know, Sean, that there's been no direction at all from this Democrat administration on this. There've been all these leaks, these national security leaks designed to make Roosevelt look tough, I guess. Meanwhile, we've been pounding the table for months waiting for this invasion. If indeed it's happening."

"I wanna bring Senator Nye in here. Senator, are you getting any information?"

"No, Sean, nothing official, nothing from Roosevelt. But I am getting some reports from some of my sources in Germany, who report that the Wehrmacht is repelling our forces brutally at the beaches."

"No surprise there, Senator."

"No, none. Several of us have been predicting this kind of disaster since Harry Truman held those hearings about that so-called war-profiteering business that did nothing except harm the free enterprise system and the people charged with producing all this war materiel."

"Exactly! Charles Lindbergh, Fox contributor, I wanna turn to you now. What does it say--if true--what does it say about this Roosevelt administration that it's withholding information like this from the American people, with Americans dying out there for a cause, as you have so eloquently stated, that many Americans are frankly dubious of--"

"So true, Sean. We've seen, at Dunkirk and Bataan and other places, how the administration just repeatedly fails to level with the American people--"

From: How the Democrats handed America to the Nazis, 6 June 1944.

July 4, 2011: Free at Last!Edit

Good news, everyone! The mooslim tyrant is dead! News of the death of our black mooslim tyrant has created spontaneous celebration on the streets. Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, and Andrew Breitbart were seeing holding a street orgy to celebrate the death of Obama Bin Laden.

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