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An un-American noun (pronounced: FUR-nerr) A person who is not an American. Usually brown, sometimes yellow, but always speaking gibberish.

Types of Foreigners

There are several major types of foreigner, categorized according to their place of origin, and usefulness to Americans.

SalmaHayek
A Mexican not doing laundry, the lazy bum

The Mexican

The most useful foreigner of all. Can be used to clean houses, raise children, and mow lawns. But is best used as a scapegoat.

Mexicans claim they come from Mexico and that any other person who just so happens to look like them might not be a Mexican. But this is not what my gut says, my gut says anyone who comes from a place south of Texas is a Mexican, so there.

PatMorita
Me Love You Long Time, American Joe.

The Asian

Asians have a lot in common with Mexicans, they claim to have come from many different countries as well, but who cares? When they come to America, they better learn to speakee dee English and iron my shirts right, damnit.

Asians come in several sub-categories, also dependant on their usefulness.

  • the love-you-long-time
  • the no-tickee-no-shirtee
  • the tech support
  • the martial arts teacher
  • the cook (which itself has 2 sub-sub-categories:
    • the Towelhead
    • the Chink


Anna-Kournikova
Maybe both...

The European

Oddly enough, even though most Europeans are white, they don't come from America, weird huh? And I read somewhere on The Internets that some people who are not white come from Europe!

Mind fuck!

Anyways, there are only one good type of European, the Eastern ones who came from former Soviet satellite countries. They speak slav and their native country probably ended with "stan" and all they are good for is porn.

Maybe tennis.



DesmundTuTu
A typical African Voodoo Doctor.

The African

We're not sure if Africans really exist, but allegedly there aren't that many Africans in Africa anymore and the ones who are are voodoo doctors, so keep clear. Also, they probably have the AIDS. Great American companies use these foreigners for their ability to test drugs. They are really good at it...if they exist.





PrinceBandar
How may I help you with your banking needs?

Middle Easterners

Obviously they are terrorists, except for the Saudis they make good masters bankers.






Why Do They Come to America?

Foreigners have only one thing on their minds: to take America away from Americans.

And have sex with our fat women...which actually isn't that bad. But still...

But mostly they are lazy and want to kill us and take our jobs and make all our children atheists.

What Should I Do If I See A Foreigner?

  1. Know your surroundings. Do you have an escape route? Can you run faster than the foreigner? If so, could you get to a safe haven if they approach you?
  2. Next, you have to determine what type you are dealing with. Does he work for you? Does he want a job from you? Do you need work done and are you cheap? If so, don't smack him until he's finished, otherwise, move on to Number 3.
  3. Look for weapons and in the case of non-Saudi Middle Easterners, bomb belts. Foreigners are always carrying some kind of weapon, so frisk him if you can stand the smell. Remember, it's your right as an American to frisk foreigners for contraband or weapons (it's in The United States Constitution).
  4. When they are finished doing work for you, or if you have no use for them, first call Lou Dobbs then call your local police, America will thank you for it.

Do Your Part

Keep America American; Protect Our Borders; God Bless America.

SpecialPoliceman
Undersurveillance
Keep smiling and don't make any sudden movements.
By watching you, we're protecting you.

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