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Federal Communications Commission

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Federal Communications Commission
is part of the United States Federal Government.
Don't ask; asking only helps the terrorists.


The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is a regulatory agency created during FDR's alphabet soup phase. Charged with protecting America's Children, the FCC answers every written complaint whether it was sent by a citizen concerned with the decency of what is on the airwaves or from a person who never saw or heard what happened, just so long as the petition they are signing is sponsored by the right kind of church.

Current CommissionersEdit

Current commissioners and their personal internets tubes:

  • Chairman Kevin J. Martin: KJMWEB@fcc.gov
  • Commissioner Michael J. Copps: Michael.Copps@fcc.gov
  • Commissioner Jonathan S. Adelstein: Jonathan.Adelstein@fcc.gov
  • Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate: dtaylortateweb@fcc.gov
  • Commissioner Robert McDowell: Robert.McDowell@fcc.gov

Media Consolidation, 2007Edit

Immediately following the close of the public comments era, Kevin Martin was able to glean the best course of action for the FCC, which just so happened to be exactly what he wanted to do in the first place.

Come on, liberals!

We're at war! When your leaders tell you what's best for you, do what they say, otherwise you're helping the terrorists.

That is all.

FinesEdit

When the FCC receives enough complaints about a particular network or program, the owners person responsible for the offensive content is made an example of through financial harships such as unwanted publicity or with a transfer to satellite radio.

Opie And AnthonyEdit

In May, 2007, the "shock jocks" Opie and Anthony made some rude comments about Condoleezza Rice, Laura Bush and Queen Elizabeth II, which were of a sexual nature.

Both Mr. Opie and Mr. Anthony claimed they were not aware that certain phrases are not allowed on satellite waves.

In response to Opie and Anthony's claim of ignorance, the FCC provides a list of things that cannot be said on any broadcast frequency.

Content That Can Be Grounds for a FineEdit

  • describing in any detail what a failure you think the Bush Administration is
  • implying that Condoleezza Rice might be into women
  • implying that Ann Coulter might not be a woman
  • for mentioning Iraq and Vietnam in the same paragraph
  • Any broadcast depictions of our basic, natural state as created by God, i.e. clothelessness, are subject to severe fines and possible revocation of broadcast licenses. This is not to be confused with depictions of rape, torture, brutality, murder, chainsaw massacres, bank robberies, pistol whipping, etc... which are perfectly fine after 9:00 P.M.

External TubesEdit

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