Ewoks
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
Contents |
[edit] History
Ewoks are little furry creatures with crossbows and spears. They help overthrow an empire that has spaceships and lasers. Nice. But then they screw up the end of Return of the Jedi by throwing a gay little teddy-bear picnic.
[edit] Culture
They also have a rich tribal culture. They are omnivores, meaning they like to eat everything, just like God. Their favorite dish is helmeted people, whom they cook, afterwards using the helmets as drums at the feasts. The Ewoks are known to be addicted to Red Bull and usually smoke lots and LOTS of pot, which has side effects of extreme hair growth and extreme shortness.
Ewoks live in constant fear of Ted Nugent, whom they refer to as "The Destroyer." When Ted gets drunk, he imagines the Ewoks to be Communists, so like any true American, he goes out to stop them. Stephen Colbert could stop Ted from Ewok hunting, but Stephen Colbert really hates Communists.
[edit] Relation to Bears
Ewoks are the young of bears. Bears travel to the forest moon of the planet Endor every year in order to spawn more young. Young Ewoks are cute and cuddly, and can be quite helpful to needy Jedi. As they grow older, the Ewoks become less civilized. First the Ewoks stop wearing clothes, and eventually they start walking on all fours. Later they develop giant fangs and become godless killing machines.
(But as for their Ewokhood, they are pretty much fine. Neutral. Ummmmmmm.....
Cute, but keep an eye out and watch your back, 'cause they grow up.)
Yub Nub was taken away from society by George Lucas in 1997 and it's agreed he will burn in Hell for that.
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