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Dr. Pepper

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Dr. Pepper
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from and for the benefit of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
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Stephen Colbert prefers Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Another one of the many fine products Stephen shills at his heroes on The Colbert Report.

He has also stated that Dr. Pepper is the devil's root beer and these "doctors" should be persecuted and even hanged. This Dr. Pepper is a threat to the American heartland providing the children with sugar and energy that can be exploited by the terrorists. Also he has mentioned that it tastes like medicine, that is not cool. However, Dr. Pepper does not contain 2-cycle engine oil.

Dr. Pepper is also the sponsor of Dr. Colbert's Interview Zone (previously known s The Axe Body Spray Interview Zone), starting on August 4, 2008.Episode #430

IngredientsEdit

In 1885 Charles Alderton discovered a way to bottle an orgasm and mass produce it for sale to the general public. These are the ingredients listed on the bottle:

Stripes

"One of the more patriotic Dr. Pepper knock-offs."

Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Blood of a Virgin, Caffeine, the Soul of a Sacrificial Native American Bear, Prune Juice, and one Ph. D.

Which explains why Dr. Pepper is exactly twelve times better than Mr. Pibb (which, at best, can offer blue balls). Other Soda companies have been trying to reproduce the sensation for years, but could only come up with fake orgasms like Dr. K and Dr. Thunder. Although, Dr. Stripes at least has the country at heart.

Dr. Pepper is also the only soft drink that has several known fatalities. Every bottle of Dr. Pepper warns its consumers of the immediate danger they have just placed themselves in:

"WARNING CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE. CAP MAY BLOW OFF CAUSING EYE OR OTHER SERIOUS INJURY. POINT AWAY FROM FACE AND PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY WHEN OPENING"

Any drink that you have to risk injury just to consume is bound to have a satisfying climax.

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