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Doritos
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

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In times of tension, reach for the comforting taste of Doritos! Yes, Doritos, whether celebrating with sensational crunch or drowning your sorrows in nacho cheese dust, it's always a great time for Doritos!^{Episode #331}

Live free, snack strong!

Global Leader In SnackingEdit

Doritos are popular everywhere America is, and that means Japan, too!

Bear Hunters' ChoiceEdit

Be bold. Eat Doritos and be bold. Stand up to bears by eating Doritos.

Food Of The Great Council of DoomEdit

Everyone, even the dolphin hounds in the Council of Doom, is in love with Doritos. They made a law declaring that everyone had to eat two handfuls of Doritos twice a day for optimum performance and focus. A study done by Prof. McDoc says that Doritos increase the speed of pandas by 125% and the strength of kamikaze squirrels by 210%. "These nacho cheesy chips provide great nutrition to our armies, allowing us to take over the world in half the time we expected", he says. No food has ever been more nutritious for animals, especially for dolphin hounds, than these Doritos. They keep the evil bears away from the moon, along with Dick Cheney, the Council's #1 threat. Doritos are revolutionizing the frontlines of war everyday. All hail Doritos!

Flavors Edit

• Man-flavored Doritos, currently develop in conjunction with the Soylent Green Corp., scheduled to release in 2012
• Cool Ranch
• Cooler Ranch
• Goddamn, that's cold ranch!
• Nacho Cheese
• Bear meat
• Spicy sweet chili

See Also Edit

• The Hail To The Cheese Stephen Colbert Nacho Cheese Doritos 2008 Presidential Campaign Coverage