Dennis Hastert

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

Dennis Hastert agrees with Rush,
Troops who want to leave Iraq are phony soldiers!
RUSH IS RIGHT!!! RUSH IS RIGHT!!!

I am Dennis Hastert and my lawyer swears I'm not a

I like to eat, ok?

Dennis Hastert (born sometime during World War II) is the corpulent man of questionable paternity (a.k.a fat bastard) or Speaker of The House who was so concerned about Mark Foley's preying on pages that he let Foley stay in Congress for years after finding out about, so he could keep a closer eye on him.

Dennis is a former representative of the 14th District of Illinois, and boy are they proud of him!

Dennis Hastert loves America and Jesus and supports our Greatest President Ever.

[edit] Dennis Hastert Freedom Factoids

Dennis looks like the child of Santa Claus and Patton Oswalt (see above)
All Dennis' meals are paid by his lobbyist friends (see above)
Dennis looks like he ate the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters
Dennis hates jello (the feelings are mutual)
Dennis watches The Colbert Report when he's not busy watching Congressional pages
Dennis wishes he was Barbara Bush; she's more Quaker-oats-man-looking

He may have swallowed a keg. It explains his inability to remember being told about Mark Foley

Dennis was a high-school wrestling coach
Dennis knows his way around a keg
Dennis is credited as "David Palmer," the President of the United States on the television show 24, and also as the Cheif Operator, Jonas Blane, on the television show The Unit.
Dennis's pant size is Waist:∞ Inseam:32.