Dennis Hastert (born sometime during World War II) is the corpulent man of questionable paternity (a.k.a fat bastard) or Speaker of The House who was so concerned about Mark Foley's preying on pages that he let Foley stay in Congress for years after finding out about, so he could keep a closer eye on him.
Dennis is a former representative of the 14th District of Illinois, and boy are they proud of him!
Dennis Hastert Freedom FactoidsEdit
- Dennis looks like the child of Santa Claus and Patton Oswalt (see above)
- All Dennis' meals are paid by his lobbyist friends (see above)
- Dennis looks like he ate the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters
- Dennis hates jello (the feelings are mutual)
- Dennis watches The Colbert Report when he's not busy watching Congressional pages
- Dennis wishes he was Barbara Bush; she's more Quaker-oats-man-looking
- Dennis was a high-school wrestling coach
- Dennis knows his way around a keg
- Dennis is credited as "David Palmer," the President of the United States on the television show 24, and also as the Cheif Operator, Jonas Blane, on the television show The Unit.
- Dennis's pant size is Waist:∞ Inseam:32.
Hastert's Guide to FitnessEdit
- If you pull it, you ice it