David Xanatos
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
David Xanatos (born 1955 in Bar Harbor, Maine) is the living embodiment of the American Dream. The son of a poor fisherman, young Xanatos worked his ass off to become a billionare over night, and thus earns the right to spit on poor people. He's a family man. He married a good woman named Fox, and is the proud father of a beautiful young American named Alexander.
[edit] A True Hero
After Xanatos threw off the shackles of poverty by wisely investing the $20,000 he received from selling an ancient coin, Xanatos brought jobs to New York City by building the Eyrie Building, attacking the New York intellectuals at their home base and who, with all of their so-called book smarts, had not been able to cure unemployment in their own backyard. As a crowning achievement of his victory over the advocates of books, Xanatos liberated Castle Wyvern from Scotland, where the people there had allowed it to decay into ruin, and stuck it on top of his corporate headquarters.
In 1994, Xanatos was framed by Demona for receiving stolen property, and sentenced to six months in prison by an activist judge. Thankfully, he got out and has continued the fight to protect New York City from Demona and her gargoyle minions and bear allies.
He has been hounded by liberal police detective, Elisa Maza who makes up stories about genetic engineering, Illuminati connections, and claims that he and Demona were allies. No, Xanatos was just trying to lull her into a false sense of security, so he could stop her, and eventually take out the Colbear itself.
While many mudslingers like to claim that he is now harboring seven of these Satanic creatures, they are wrong. He's just keeping his enemies closer.
Xanatos gets a Tip of the Hat for being a true American, but a Wag of the Finger for not getting a hair cut.
[edit] Xanatos Trivia
- Does business with Halliburton
- Has had sex with Deanna Troi
- Made all his money through hard, honest work. You poor people are just moochers.
- He supports the troops
- Has met our leader, George W. Bush.
- Liked the manuscript for Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturn: A Tek Jansen Adventure.
- Is scheduled to be a guest on The Colbert Report
- When building his upstate retreat, Xanadu, Xanatos had all the bears shot dead.
- Was named after a great hero from the Bible
