Dave Mustaine

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

[[Im, and spreading the evil backward prayers to his dark master, to all who had ears to hear it.

He regrouped and formed a new band, Sexual Chocolate.

[edit] Sexual Chocolate

Re-energized and re-invigorated, Mustaine's new band would be for him, be a platform for his unique brand of metal malevolence, his own soapbox from which he could launch attacks against all that is good in the world.

Sexual Chocolate quickly gained traction, and earned Mustaine a well deserved reputation of being inferior in every way to his former band Titanica. Overwhelmed with the negative outcome of his efforts, Mustaine began a slow decline into the seedy underbelly of offshore corporate product demonstration.

After what many would call, a Titanic failure in this thunderdome of quick cash and complimentary lifetime supplies of generic giant robot action figures, Mustaine regrouped again, and began his career anew. He fired everyone in Sexual Chocolate, rehired the guitarist, promptly fired him again, and hired cheap foreign session musicians to replace them. With new musicians, aquired in a secretive deal with the Micronesian government, which was rumored to have been paid for with giant knockoff robot mousepads, and hundreds of cases of strawberry soda, Sexual Chocolate recorded a new album. The album, entitled "Ya know who I am? I'm Dave Mustaine!", rocketed to number 1587 in the "obscure music that nobody cares about charts", and breathed new life into the floundering metal outfit.

[edit] A New Beginning

Coat-tailing on his epic failures, Mustaine supported his new album by touring every city that Titanica visited, playing the same schedule, alongside his former band mates, in bars neighboring the huge stadium venues Titanica hosted, Mustaine found a modecum of success, honing his skills in "tertiary venues", he earned positive write ups in pennysaver magazines in every city Sexual Chocolate played. Years later, these write ups would be debunked by vagabond factcheckers who through hours of drunken examination found that he had paid for the write ups, and that they were actually ads touting the healing wonders of "Ok Supergood Pancakes", which he had received in an unlimited supply from the Japanese conglomerate, "Super Spiffy Cola Inc.", in return for his public support of their products.

With a totally unsuccessful tour under his belt Dave Mustaine continued his long road toward obscurity with additional and perhaps more uninterestingly doomed attempts to finally top his Metallica betters. It's a journey that sparks the interest of almost no one to this day.

[edit] Life After Words

Dave currently runs a small video game store in Ohio called Video Game Underground. Dave recently moved out of his shack into a more deluxe building to keep his rockstar image intact. Please stop by and visit Mr. Mustaine. Please just call him Dave.

Dave does not own this store.