Dana Perino

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

I am Dana Perino and my lawyer swears I'm not a

Dana Perino
Is an Uber Hottie and you are not! She makes The Baby Jesus stand at attention.
You may look, but do not touch. Unless Stephen Colbert has Nailed her first.

You know how to get the truth dontcha? Just put your lips together...and blow!

Dana Perino took over Press Secretary duties from Tony Snow effective 9-14-07. Perino, initially, was the Assistant Press Sceretary to Mr. Snow. In late March of '07, Snow took a leave of absence not for the usual reason of spending more time with his family, but because he had to battle a horde of evil cancer cells that doctors told him were in their last throes of insurgency*. During this time, Perino got a taste of what being a Press Secretary was all about. When Snow announced that he would resign his position because the invisible hand of the market told him he was worth more than he was being paid, Perino pounced on the opportunity to pick up the slack left by the absence of Snow's well muscled arms.

During Snow's initial leave of absence, Perino prepared herself to face the coming onslaught of liberal attacks from the Press Corp by putting on her "big girl panties."It is assumed that Perino has cleaned these BGP's since the last time she held the Press Secretary position. It has gone unreported as to how many BGP's Ms. Perino owns, or even the cut, color or fabric of said BGP's, but it is suspected that the answers are "1-3," (for her days of heavy flow) "granny" and "white cotton."

*Proof you can't trust medical advice that doesn't come from either Dr. Gregory House, Dr. Cliff Huxtable or Dr. Noah Drake.

[edit] Dana's World

Dana Perino
will one day be a fine addition
to the Greatest Corporation of All--FOX!!!

As a good girl, Dana's mind is so refined that her world-view is unique and special like a snowflake.

Or, like Alice in Wonderland.

[edit] Fun Facts

Ms. Perino sporting a shiner after scuffling with terrorists in the deepest, darkest heart of Islamville

Presidential Nicknames: "Reno," "Danish" and/or "Reno Danish" (not to be confused with the sex act)
bumpersticker on her car: "Ask Me About My Big Girl Panties"
Used a Daily Show joke in one of the White House Press Conferences. Must be one of those Stoned Slackers Papa Bear was talking about
Has trained her dog to fetch a flip-flop as an answer to the question "Tell us what you really think about John Kerry" and has also trained the dog to bark an affirmative to the question of whether Bill Clinton should be in jail.^[1]
Knows everything any girl needs to know about The Cuban Missile Crisis: it had something to do with Cuba and missiles.