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Crusades

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Mary power of Christ laser beams2
PopeHat
The Blessed Virgin Mother recognizes
Crusades
as part of The One True Church.
PHCollegeLogoSMALL
Croatia pope
Guernica
To achieve the proper education,
"Crusades"
provides All The History You Need To Know.
KnightsTemplarCross
KnightsTemplarCross
Crusades
are Truthiness Crusaders!


Note: This phrase has recently been placed on Stephen Colbert's The Do Not Say Board.
He's not saying it any more, and neither should you.
DO NOT SAY

1. CRUSADES

2. GLOBAL WAR AGAINST VIOLENT EXTREMISM

3. INFINITE JUSTICE

4. KISS ME OR YOU'RE FIRED

5. STRUGGLE AGAINST ISLAMO-FASCISM

6. LAST THROES

7. WAR AGAINST SALAFIST EXTREMIST NETWORK

8. SURE, I'LL HELP YOU MOVE

9. GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR

10. DOES THIS SMELL BAD TO YOU?

11. STAY THE COURSE

12. LONG WAR



The Crusades was a war fully sanctioned by God, led by Stephen Colbert himself with a 100001% Catholic Seal of Approval. During this glorious war act of Godly retribution, millions of infidels, mooslims, Islamofacists, gays, bears, Joos and democrats were driven from Jesus's real estate, the Holy Land!

How they occured Edit

397px-MaleBellyDance

Mahmoud Admedi Mahamoud Ali Nejad bin Michael Moore, the first and still ruling "King of Arabdom"

In 666 AD, Mahmoud Admedi Mahamoud Ali Nejad bin Michael Moore began preaching Mooslism. The Roman empire tried to stop this teaching, but there so many democrats in the Roman government that they just simply didn't give a shit. The result was catastrophic - the vast mooslimization of the entire Middle East. From then onwards, the Middle East, Arabs, and Wars would be inseperable.

At first, Most Mooslimists tolerated all religions. However, one particularly mad Arab by the name of Mahmoud Ahmedi Nejad in 1002 BC began persecuted God's own children and banned the Arab Republican Party, which was a failed horrible Roman attempt to introduce decent conservative values in to everyday Arab life.

As a result, one man stood up to this tyranny - Stephen Colbert, God's choosen man to cleanse the land!

The call for the chivalrous Edit

773px-CSA-2006-01-12-095303 M249SAW

A Grand Heroic Crusader Prepares to fire on some infidel

Before long, chruch bells in every European town (Europe in 1096 BC was still very christian and conservative) summoned warriors trained in the arts of war God's work to flock to the banner of Truthiness and preserve the Turthiness of Christianity in the Holy Land forever! Amen.

Siege of Jerusalem Edit

Before long, Crusader armies finally reached Jerusalem and began laying siege to the Holy City. The various Infidels tried all sorts of cheasy cheap tricks to defend the city, such as cutting and running away (this didn't work well when they left the gates open), taking of their shoes and marching around the city, parying to the Devil and his democrats and many other corrupting things...

IMG3

Jerusalem before the infidels took over...

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...and after they took the city. Nice work, you morons!

The Crusader armies were constantly harassed by cowards and surrendery French soldiers, whom surrendered to the infidels rapidly, thus they made poor night guards. Worse still were Liberalists and those whom revealed their mooslimistic religious unholy beliefs. Only Stephen Colbert's God given powers revealed the faithless, whom were purged in almighty flame

The siege reached a high point when a relief army of treacherous surrendery French (whom had deserted and betrayed the Crusaders) along with Arabs, Crapistanis and Jihadistanis marched towards the city.

M120-mortarfired

Jerusalem under siege

At this point, Stephen Colbert decides to launch a bold offensive, and in doing so, captures the city of Jerusalem. There is heavy fighting, and many infidels are cut down. Most of the Democrats who deserted to the infidel's side surrendered on the spot, but a few, like Mahmoud Ahmedi Mahmoud Ali Nejad bin Michale Moore's son refused to surrender, even as his surrendery French body guard surrendered. Just goes to show how damn smart he is to use the French.

Finally, the city is taken. At this point, the relieving army arrives to find what was once their city of evil doings, now a city of justice. Stephen Colbert then used his God-given powers to smite the enemy and they were smote indeed.

SiegeofAntioch

Jerusalem is liberated - YAH!


Success? Edit

Only a Godless sodomite would dare ask this question. Of course it was. Haven't you heard all of that latest death chanting by those terrorists? Israel is living proof of the success of the Crusades.

Later Crusades Edit

735px-Iraq-m1 abrams

The Holy Lands enjoys top notch security that is second to none - well done boys, mission acomplished!

Further successful crusades were launched against various infidels throughout the world. These include, but are not limited to:

  • World War 0
  • World War 1
  • World War 2
  • World War 3
  • Afghanistan
  • Iraq

Of course, the more successful a crusade is, the more will follow up! Stand by folks for more crusades coming your way! We thank you for your patience and children.

THE WIKIALITY.COM GUIDE TO WAR!!!1!
World War 0  | World War I  | World War II  | World War III
The War of Northern Aggression  | Cold War  | Korean War  | Vietnam War
The French Revolution  | War of 1812  | American-Indian War  | American-Mexican War  | American-Spanish War
War On Terror  | Gulf War  | Operation Iraqi Freedom  | War On Iran
War On Christmas  | Easter Under Attack  | The War On The Fourth Of July  | War on Monkeys  | The Cola Wars  | War on The Free Market  | The War To Christmasize Israel  | War of The Internets Tubes  | War On Science
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